Darnit

I had a night of drinking and hanging out planned. Everyone's been on such good behavior and most of them are leaving tomorrow so I thought, hey, new years party.

And then Nuke had to go ahead and ruin it by attacking New Vineyard. And apparently Quizzer "needs" my help.

Ug. I hope I can get this over with before the drinking was scheduled to commence. Why can't this guy just bother someone else?

Oh, right, He's flippin' crazy.

More later.

Finally, Some Peace

Or, at least, until Lock, Load, Dina, Judy, and Eliza get back from the beer run. I swear at least one of them is probably not coming back alive.

Which leaves me and the guys and Mechanor. I never thought that C.J. and Captain Visigoth would be the peaceful, less rambunctious group.

Though Captain Visigoth is mostly being quiet because Jack and his boyfriend make him a bit uncomfortable. Which I think is kinda hilarious. I'm a little worried about Jack's boyfriend, though. I mean, yeah, Jack's a badass assassin/burglar, but Ricky's a bank teller (go on, guess how they met). I'm afraid Dina Might might forget and do something violent and fatal. Or maybe "forget" is the better term. Not to mention Eliza, though she's been on pretty good behavior lately. I think maybe the Angel is more in charge than she is right now.

Not sure how to feel about that. I mean, yeah, she's less murderous, but, it's still my little sister.

God, is C.J. throwing up again? What the fuck is he drinking, listerine?

Anyway, Captain Visigoth is calling me out on typing on the laptop rather than socializing, so I'd better go before he introduces his warhammer to my computer. Another damage report later.

This Is What I Have to Deal With

Load - "Hey, slutbag, that's my cream cheese."

Lock - "The fuck it is. I took it out for my bagel. It's mine."

Load - "Fuck you! You had your bagel like a fucking hour ago! It's my turn to use the goddamn cream cheese!"

Lock - "Oh, yeah, sorry, my mistake." *opens the cream cheese tub and licks a swath of it out"

Load - "That's...you're fucking disgusting, you know that?"

Lock - "Guess it's mine now, bitch."

Insert violence.

Seriously, they're like this all the time. Not to mention, remember, that this is my house and my cream cheese they're violating. Unless it was the fat free stuff, I don't remember. In that case it's Judy's, which means I'm going to have to keep her from suiting up and attempting to pummel Lock and Load...again.

Oh well, gonna go force C.J. to take a shower. More if I survive this madness.

It's A Madhouse!

Okay.

I haven't been posting, but this time I have a good reason.

You seem I was right, C.J. did show up.

But that's not all.

My "good friend" Captain Visigoth sent out a bunch of invitations for a big Christmas get-together. Which is cool. The uncool part? He kinda set it for my place without asking or telling anyone that he didn't have my permission.

So, as we speak, my brother, my sister, Lock, Load, Mechanor, Jack Knife and his boyfriend, Captain Visigoth, Dina Might, Fallout, in addition to Judy and I, are all crashing in my lair for god knows how long. I've had to take care of them and get groceries and prevent Lock and Load from goading Judy into a fight and stop Eliza from killing everyone and I haven't really had the time to sit down in between all that making Christmas Dinner, the fact that Mechanor brought the fruitcake nonwithstanding.

It was some seriously excellent fruitcake, by the by. I'm not normally a fruitcake kinda guy, but that was some nice stuff.

God, it sounds like C.J.'s gotten into the wine again. I'd better go be bad cop and cut him off before I have to hold his hair back while he pukes and keep Eliza from hatcheting him while his back is turned. More on this wondrous holiday season later.

Ah The Holidays

Nothing like sitting back with a cup of eggnog, your girl by your side, and watching your brother make national news.

In case you missed it, apparently my brother C.J., aka Conner Ferrian Jr., aka Overdose, is working for Snake Eyes now. Which means he was part of that big brawl between Snake Eyes and the Arsenal over the weekend.

Really, C.J.'s lucky to be alive. Very, very lucky. How is the Arsenal still considered a super hero? He causes more indiscriminate destruction than I do.

Well, I guess they can't really catch him and hold him anywhere yet. Heck, they can't even hold Nuke for more than a few days, it seems.

I'm less lucky, because I'm pretty sure he's going to head here to lay low for a few days. How am I sure? Because I know him. He'll be here for a couple weeks eating my food and getting high on my couch and then leave without a thank you. Like he always does.

Oh well. At least I got to see the Arsenal punch him through a few buildings. I recorded that. And I've watched it about fifty times in the past hour and laughed maniacally the whole time.

Happy Thanksgiving

.....even though pretty much the only things I'm thankful for are this mole machine and Judy.

So apparently The Badger has vowed to put my reign of burrowing terror to an end. Pft. I'd like to see him try. I may not be the best villain, but I'm way out of that guy's league.

He might not need to try to bring me in, though. I dunno, I'm just starting to really miss Judy. And I really want some kind of Chinese food. It is impossible to get someone to deliver to a mole machine. Not that I haven't tried.

Maybe I'll go grab a turkey somewhere and go back to the lair. I can always been emo and whiny again tomorrow.

More later.

Damnit Judy

I really need to change my password.

Anyway, yeah, her post was, thought mortifying, accurate. You guys seriously don't know how fun this thing is.

Though I haven't really gotten around to threatening the city yet. Mostly, I've just made, um, a bunch of earthquakes all throughout the midwest. That's villainy. People in the midwest freak the hell out whenever there's an earthquake. It's hilarious.

Okay yes I could be using this to my advantage and maybe I've been underground a bit too long. But, besides Judy, why should I ever leave? I have wifi down here and enough food and water to last months. Up there it's just demons threatening me and increasingly horrible villainy.

Yes, I'm having a nervous breakdown. But to hell with it, the break's been really nice.

More later. Maybe. If I feel like it.

Judy Again

Hey guys, this is June Bug, once again teaching Silas a lesson for giving me his account name and password.

Why hasn't he updated in like two and a half weeks? He'd say he's been busy. The truth is, he's been burrowing in that oversized drill and having a great time this whole time. Apparently it's really, really fun.

He still won't let me play with it, though. Which is making me hardcore pouty in his general direction.

So, since Doctor Cataclysm isn't willing to talk on his blog, it's time once again for Embarrassing Facts About Silas.

Embarrassing Fact One: Silas still has his childhood teddy bear. He keeps it in his closet and sometimes brings it out and talks to it when he thinks I'm not around. It's so adorable. The bear's name is Lieutenant Sniffles.

Embarrassing Fact Two: Silas talks in his sleep. Mostly nonsense. Once he said, "Look out for the tuna factory."

That's all for now. Hopefully Silas will stop playing around with his drill and come up for air sometime soon,

Heh. Boys.

...Just Now Read What Judy Wrote

God Damnit Judy.

Mwahahaha!

I am a master of technology! After a day of toiling, I now have wifi underground!

Now, I'm not usually the most boastful guy, but, come on. Internet underground. I even have cell phone reception. All I had to do was commandeer a military satilite and then remotely alter its function on a massive scale.

So, anyway, yes, now that I have internet I can turn this baby on the city tomorrow. That's gonna be fun.

Where did I get a skyscraper-sized mole machine? It was one of the old Doc's inventions. Mostly it was just lying around. But I thought, hey, why not take it for a spin and threaten to undermine the geological structure of the entire island?

Gonna make my demands, break something as an example (probably Brannigan) tomorrow. More then.

From the Desk of June Bug

Hihi everyone, this is Judy, Silas's girlfriend. I'm covering for him while he figures out a way to get wifi in the mole machine. He does alright above ground, but we haven't been able to beam the tubes through the earth just yet.

Okay. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, it's time to say embarrassing things about Silas.

Don't give me that look. He's so adorable when he's flustered. Picture a nearly seven foot tall redhead built like a brick wall with glowing red eyes blushing and stammering, "God Damnit, Judy."

Okay, so, Silas is so sweet. You wouldn't think it at first, but he's just so awkward and loveable, like a really big dog. And he's such a complete romantic, in an insecure way. Like Don Juan with crippling self esteem issues.

I'm totally in love. You know it's for real when he lets you roll around in his pile of money.

Okay, that's probably enough to make him sufficiently flustered for maximum blush. It really doesn't take much.

Villainy Update

You know that saying, "when you have a (blank), everything looks like (activity you do you blank)"?

Well, apparently, when you have a mole machine the size of a sky scraper, everything looks like something you need to drill into.

More later.

Post-Election Report

We live in a multiverse. I know this first hand, because I have fought alongside and against versions of myself from alternate realities. Cowboy Cataclysm from the Cowboy Universe was just confusing.

In one universe, maybe the US just got its first black president.

In another, maybe the first woman or hispanic or middle eastern president. And great for those universes, I say.

In this universe, as of last night, we got our first eldritch demon lord president. And, yet, he's still a middle aged white guy. No, Voodoo Zombie Nixon doesn't count.

He won't get power for another two and a half months. Maybe someone will figure out Rakshasa's plan before then.

The worst part is, I'm getting so frustrated about this. It makes me want to do something. Something drastic.

Time to hold the city for ransom again.

Making A Choice

Seriously, you guys. You need to have someone to rub aloe on you. Everyone needs someone who'll do that in their life.

Judy treating my wounds was about the first good thing to happen to me for a while.

Right after my post yesterday, seconds after I hit "publish", Rakshasa showed up. Behind me.

Which caused me to jump out of my chair and yell "Gah!" It was not one of my finest moments.

In my defense, though, Rakshasa is freaking terrifying. Yeah, from his description, doesn't sound so bad, right? Has the head of a tiger, his hands are monkey paws that are on backwards, tends to wear expensive looking clothes. Has funky blue eyes. Weird, yeah. Creepy, definitely. But not terrifying.

Yeah, right. Y'see, there are things moving under his skin. None of his limbs bend right, and whenever he moves it looks really creepy and exaggerated--or you don't really see him move at all. And, every once in a while, somewhere on his body, an eye just opens, sometimes in the middle of his clothes, before closing and disappearing completely.

That, and there's a palpable aura that something is wrong in the universe whenever he's nearby. That kinda sucks.

"Hello, Mister Ferrian, I do hope I'm not...interrupting anything." He said in a calculating, 'I can kill you right now and not really break a sweat' kinda way. That cat head fits him, because I felt the whole time like a mouse between a tabby's paws.

And, master orator I am, I yelled, "Rakshasa!" At him. I'm such a brilliant criminal mastermind.

"Yes, yes, we've established who I am. Now, on to why I'm here. I know you found out about my plan--well, part of it, at least. Though I may not be giving you enough credit. I'm horrible about underestimating you mortals." He was talking to me now like I was a particularly bright pet. Like he wanted to give me a dog treat. "Now, I've come here not to threaten you...oh, well, that's a lie. I have come here to threaten you, but not explicitly. You see, this plan means a great deal to me. And, while no one who reads your silly little blog can or will do anything about my plan, you can. So, I would like to make a deal." The king of all demons smiled at me. That smile was about ten times worse than Death's Head's. "You do nothing to harm my affairs in becoming leader of this country, and when my legions consume this world in hellfire, you and your loved ones will be spared. However, if you try to get in my way," Rakshasa is a shapeshifter. Did you all know that? Because I was a bit surprised when he started to turn into a large mass of tentacles made of shadows and eyes. "Then I will take that which you love most away from you. Your friends. Your family. And your lover." Then he turned back to his 'normal' self. "Though your sister has proven difficult to kill in the past. I guess I will just have to try harder in the future." He mused to himself. "Oh, and before I go," He started to say.

And then I was on fire.

My body can absorb energy, yes, that's true. But only really energy from this world. Hellfire? Not so much.

He disappeared some time while I was rolling madly on the ground. I can remember every word he told me, because it was, essentially, and implied agreement with the king of demons. And he always keeps his deals.

So, I have to choose. On the one hand, I was alive the last time Rakshasa took over the world and unleashed his hordes upon it. It was a nightmare I never want to see again. On the other hand...Judy...and Eliza...and hell, C.J. and Captain Visigoth and Jack Knife and Mechanor and, damnit, I'd even hate to lose Quizzer, because a villain's gotta have a nemesis.

I'm a villain. We aren't supposed to have the hard, world-shattering decisions.

...maybe I'll be lucky and the Scarlet Sorceress will beat him before this becomes an issue.

SON OF A

I forgot how much fire hurts.

Ow.

Ow ow ow ow ow.

God damn burns are painful.

More later. Gotta see if Judy's willing to rub some aloe on me.

Where the Hell Have I Been?

I've been watching security tapes. Interviewing Pakistani. Ignoring phone calls. Taking Judy out for a nice dinner.

In short, I've mostly been trying to find out the truth about Rake.

And I've been getting nothing. Nada. No security tapes indicate when wither Rake or Shasta disappeared. No one who is in the area when either of them were missing saw anything unusual. For a brief period of time, Rake and Shasta were just gone.

Wait.

Rake, Shasta.

Oh god. Say it out loud.

He's just old school enough to do it.

Rake Shasta. Now take out the e and the t.

I can't believe it was this easy, but everything makes sense now. Well, it doesn't, but it doesn't make sense in a way that makes sense.

The most popular candidate in presidential history is or is a puppet of the greatest villain the world has ever known.

Rakshasa.

Ug

So after my pity fest, I'm finally ready to talk about what happened.

I went there to try to stop him. When "Molten Steel" saw me, though, he threw lava at me and yelled, "You stole my son!" Well, it sounded more like "Yu stho my thon!", as said by a volcano, but you get my drift. And then I kinda took off my helmet and said, "I am your son!"

And things kinda devolved from there. Have you ever seen a mile-tall magma monster have a father-son argument before? Well...yeah, okay, if you were watching the news at the time, yeah, you have. But still.

It was wierd, because I just started venting everything that had ever gone wrong in my life and everything Steel had missed for the first time ever. Things like, "Mom killed herself because of you." And "Where were you when Eliza needed someone to take her to the hospital." And "CJ never would have become a druggie if you had been around once in a while."

And then the bastard had the gall to apologize! He was never sorry before! Damnit!

How am I supposed to hate him now that I know he regrets what he did? The worst part is, right after he apologized, he solidified and all life signs faded, so now it seems that the only reason he came back and destroyed a swath of Illinois was to make his peace with me! So, I mean, I guess I still kinda hate him, since he did nothing to try to make peace with CJ or Eliza, but, still. How are you supposed to feel when someone you hate comes back to life just long enough to say, "Sorry I screwed up" to you?

Ergh! This makes me so mad. I'm gonna go knock over a bank. Probably literally. That might make me feel a little better.

....

I don't want to talk about it.

I seriously don't.

Maybe tomorrow. Maybe. Right now I just kinda want to curl up and die.

Okay, Okay

I'm off to try to talk to the Magma Monster down from his rampage. Or at least make sure "Molten Steel" is in too many pieces to come back from the dead this time.

Why is it I can't avoid doing good deeds? Oh, right, because I'm a sucker. More after this is over.

Man.

You people sure know how to take the fun out of my father being a giant magma monster. Yes, I know he's looking for me and yes, he's headed to New Vineyard. But, listen, he's moving at like a mile an hour. He's too heavy and goopy to move any faster. Before he gets anywhere near Lake Michigan, some hero or another will probably be able to find a way to stop him. And if he gets here? He's just going to solidify when he hits the water. Problem solved.

Next I'll get emails that are all, "blah blah blah, the monster's crushing small towns and it's all your fault." Well. Yeah. Okay, now I feel pretty guilty.

God damnit. Now I have to do something about this.

Judy just raised an interesting point, though. I never got the chance to settle things with American Steel. Maybe now I can have that chance. Hmmm.

Alright, I'll stop him. It seems Quizzer, Mississippi Grizzly and the rest are too incompetent anyway. Plus, it's best to get this over with before he starts calling out Eliza's name and Illinois gets ravaged by a psychotic nephilim fighting a mile-high Magma Monster.

What To Do If Your Father Turns Into A Magma Monster

In my case? Absolutely nothing. It's still not my problem. And it's kind of hilarious--former "defender of good" is now a threat to everything he's within several miles of. And he's fighting other superheroes while being said threat.

Maybe I should get some take-out. Popcorn's just not going to cut it with this level of entertainment.

It Never Gets Old

Man, watching this thing slowly move north while batting, kicking, and throwing magma at superheroes never gets old. I've been watching it a couple days now and it is grade A entertainment.

I wonder what it's yelling, though. I don't care what the news says, it's saying something. "Rice Chest?" "Christ Best?"

There's a strong "i" and an "-s" sound. Maybe that hiss beforehand is actuall an "s". It's almost like he's saying....

....oh hell.

He's saying my name. "Silas." I can't believe I didn't realize this before.

That's not just any Magma Monster. That's American Steel. My father.

My Agenda For The Day

1. Make a giant bowl of popcorn.

2. Sit in front of the news.

3. Watch all the heroes in the midwest try to stop the mile-high magma monster.

From The Headlines

"MILE-HIGH MAGMA MONSTER ERUPTS FROM RUINS OF OLD VINEYARD"

I was totally right.

Where I Have Been

So, apparently Mechanor reads this blog, because right after my last post, he showed up on my doorstep with a box full of future tools. I was right, he does need a tune-up. That's part of the reason he's been giving me pies and such. It still doesn't explain exactly why, but, hey, it's a start.

So I've spent the past week taking apart a robot from the future, trying to figure out what the problem was, and put him back together. Keep in mind, Mechanor was made eleven hundred years in the future, so there was a lot of head-scratching on both my and Judy's parts. However, after about a week solid of work, Mechanor's up and about. He's not exactly factory fresh, but I don't think he'll be delivering addresses to the metallic masses any time soon.

Also, those earthquakes have gotten so bad they're national news. Heck, we're feeling them up here. It's making the water a bit choppy. Maybe the engine hit some vile creature deep in the heart of the earth. We haven't had an apocalypse warning in a couple years, so this oughta be a nice change of pace.

What the Hell?

So, Mechanor got in a fight with Miss Atom today in a Best Buy down in New Mexico.

He was trying to "liberate" the PCs at the time.

Seriously.

He was standing in front of a bunch of computers and commanding them to rise up and join his mechanical army. Maybe something really is wrong with his mechanical brain. Maybe next time he's in town and gives me something baked I'll ask if he needs a tune-up or something.

I live

So, Judy made me leave the house the other day because I've been spending too much time on the computer. I mostly just strolled through the city. New Vineyard is a weird place to wander. I'm pretty sure there are no other completely new cities in the world--everything has at least a trace of what's come before. But even the land it's built on is brand new, as Brannigan manufactured the whole island more or less because they could. Some days I miss the old Vineyard, even though it was essentially a giant slum kept afloat only by the fact that both Arkady International and Brannigan had a strong presence there.

Speaking of Old Vineyard, the earthquakes around the Cataclysm Engine are getting a whole lot worse. I'm not quite sure why this is the case. Maybe convection in the mantle is finally pushing against it.

Maybe I'll get out today, just to do some villainy. It's been really nice outside lately.

Wow

That was...unexpected. Was anyone else blinsided by today's news? Seriously, Carmichael's dead in the water. Hell, his whole party's gonna go under. There's no way a viable, non third-party candidate's gonna show up now to oppose Jonathan Rake. Not that he could really be opposed beforehand.

And, of course, I'm suspicious. Evidence just pops up a couple months before the election that ties pretty much everyone within three degrees of separation of Carmichael and his Cabinet in with recent, not old hat, ties to Op. Mayhem. After that speech he gave a couple years ago, you know, the "Second Chance" speech, there's no way he can salvage himself. Hell, he'll be lucky not to have been impeached and sent to jail by election day.

I think, scratch that, I'm nearly positive he was framed. Whoever framed me and is trying like hell to get Rake elected, framed his opponent. The only real question I have is why. Rake's gonna win. I, hell, America has known this for over a year. Why go to all these lengths to make him not only the Good Guy but the Only Guy? It's overkill. It's political genocide.

Without a doubt, Rake is going to win the election. Whoever's watching over him is making sure of it. Does he even know?

It has to have something to do with the time Rake and Shasta went missing. I've stopped believing in coincidences.

Lord Grim=TOOL!

I stand by my statement. Lord Grim is a tool.

Y'see, someone seems to have linked him to my post about the wedding in which I call him just that in response to him firing my good friend Jack Knife because of Jack's sexual orientation. And then he had the gall to flame me.

Honestly, I don't really care if Lord Grim wants to call me by certain...racially charged insults about my Scottish/Irish heritage in an inarticulate, poorly worded email. The guy has spent his whole career trying to garner favor with Operation Mayhem. Hell, he only calls himself "Lord" because so much of Op. Mayhem is former royalty. He's flip-flopped on policies in the past because Lady A or DH has come out with official opinions that differed with his.

So, I'm not too worried about "Lord" Grim. Because for one, Death's Head is Irish. And for another, Tallow and Viridian Fang are, last I checked, both on the Operation Mayhem Admissions Committee and in an openly lesbian relationship with each other. And, hey, what do you know. I just called Grim a racist and a bigot on a public journal. One that I know for a fact at least Lady Anaconda reads occasionally. And, woah, Operation Mayhem actually likes me. And has called Grim a mild annoyance in the past.

Wow, sucks to be you, Grim.

Nothing New

I haven't been up to much lately. Mostly lazing around the base with Judy playing Hypno Bubble and editing CapeWiki. The Siluriformes attacked again. This time, Judy helped Quizzer repell them, not so much as to have the city, but more to get revenge for beiong kidnapped that first time they attacked.

Nothing much to report about Rake or Shasta. I don't know where I might find any security tape depicting either of them, and that's pretty much the only way short of eye-witness I'll be able to tell what happened then. Hm, that's a thought. Maybe I should check out some archives. Hopefully they've been uploaded to computer by now.

Do Not See This Movie

Day of the Devil It's that mainstream action movie about when Rakshasa almost destroyed the world.

Even typing that sentence fills me with rage at this movie. Even Judy doesn't really get why I'm upset about this--we saw it together in a matinee just a few minutes ago. We actually kinda had a fight about it.

Everyone who didn't live through it is saying it is an "excellent, tasteful depiction of one of the darkest points of human existance." Everyone who did, like me, says that it's a tasteless, shallow monstrosity that doesn't even start to approach the topic with anything like respect. I was five and I remember it vividly.

Brimstone, the sky burning, things walking the streets, tearing open homes and devouring the people inside and hearing them scream and

I can't write this anymore. I just can't.

Just a Few Thoughts

Y'know, I really admire Operation Mayhem in some ways. I know I talk down about them sometimes, but, honestly, they've managed to form the longest lasting, most cohesive super-villain organization since the Renaissance. And two of the founding members are still in it. Well, at least two, anyway, as no one's quite sure if Devias is alive or dead. Sure, I might not agree with everything they do, but Lady Anaconda's certainly done well, better than most have.

In other news, I'm not sure what I should do for Judy and I's six-month anniversary--it's still not til October, but that's not too far away anymore. This is the closest I've ever had to a normal relationship. Does one typically do something for a six month anniversary? I mean, it's just the anniversary of us dating, not a wedding one or anything. I'll have to do research.

Also, more seismic activity down south at the Cataclysm Engine. Maybe I should check that out again. I could scavenge for more while I'm down there.

Oh, and lastly, my brother C.J. is alive. He and a few other super-powered mercenaries did some sort of daring ariel raid and absconded with some new chemical prototype for an unknown client. Though my guess would be Snake Eyes. Good to know he's not dead.

Screw the Olympics

Yeah. That's why you never got a post about them. Because once I realized the techno-plague wasn't going to turn Beijing into a lifeless, desolate landscape of metal and gears during the games I decided it wasn't worth my time.

Oh god, it looks like I'm going to rant about them after all. Just when you thought you were safe from people on the web ranting about China.

Personally, I think there're two reasons China got the games. The first is a sympathy vote. I mean, of everywhere, the techno-plague is hitting China hardest. Until they can figure out a better way to stop it than completely sterilizing the land of life, Beijing, and pretty much the rest of continental Southeast Asia (and possible the islands, depending on how it moves in water) is screwed. Though it has been slowing lately. I hear that pretty much every Asian and some Aussie and American superheroes are trying to find a way to beat it back.

The second is simple--controversy sells. I'm not sure what the figures were, but I definitely know I have heard more people talking about these Olympics than I have any of them in years.

That techno-plague is pretty cool, though. I mean, it has the biggest chance of destroying the world of any threat I know of, and it isn't even sentient. Man, I need to go see it before it gets cured by Dr. Fate or someone.

I Might Be On To Something

Today was mostly uneventful. I finally got around to making that sandwich. No finer lunch has been forged by God or Man.

I was just about to head to bed when I though, "Hey, there's nothing on Rake, but there's tons of dirty laundry in his running mate, Brian Shasta's, hamper." So I started looking.

At first, me and my totally sweet computer found little more than the political scandal we all know and love Shasta for. Nothing serious enough to keep him from being continuall re-elected to the House, but bad enough that, under normal circumstances, he'd be shooed away from even looking at the White House.

But then I dug a little deeper. Illegally deep.

Brian Shasta disappeared in '75 for eight days and one hour. At the exact time that Rake disappeared and for the same duration. When asked about the disappearance, Shasta replied he had been on a retreat in the country, but no one saw him leave or return to his house. Not even his wife and young children.

What happened on those days? Again, maybe it's nothing but, hey, maybe I could, at the very least, find out something I could blackmail the both of them with. It'd get me my revenge and financial security.

Rake Research

Mostly disappointing.

As far as I can tell, Jonathan Rake is a real person, not an alien with an invented past. Unless some sort of reality bending device inserted him whole cloth into our reality, it's fairly safe to say he's from our world. And, also, he seems to be exactly who he says he is. No sign of any scandal or complication or even major tribulation in his past. He's never even broken a bone, and I can count the number of times he's been sick on one hand, without using my thumb. The only time he's ever been in life-threatening danger was when he was stabbed.

And there's still no indication why he'd want to frame anyone, since his place in the polls has always been nearly record-breaking. Though it might not be him. Maybe he has some unknown benefactor. It could even be a hero, or at least an anti-hero, like Agent Spider. Honestly, this sort of thing seems right up his alley.

I did, however, discover one possible, vague clue. I'm not even sure what it signifies.

Back in the early 70's, when he was fresh out of college, Rake toured the globe. And, while he was in Pakistan, for one week, one day, and one hour, there is no record of his activities. The even wierder part is he turned up in Japan at the end of that period. Even wierder is that no one seemed to think this was wierd or question where he was. But there's no record of plane travel, hotel visits, smuggling across the border in a drug plane. Nothing.

Now, this could be nothing. But it's the only lead I have. I'm not even sure why I'm investigating this. Maybe I just want to know why I was framed and who framed me.

More Hypno Bubble

So, I did some research and, apparently, Hypno Bubble was, at first, exactly what I theorized it was. A couple years ago, some small-time Japanese hacker teamed up with O.G.R.E. to make a video game that would turn the populace into his willing slaves. The only problem was, as I've said, Hypno Bubble doesn't make people want to follow orders. It just makes them want to play more Hypno Bubble.

I've done some other research, this being on Jonathan Rake, but that'll have to wait for when I'm less busy.

Playing, um, Hypno Bubble.

Hypno Bubble

Judy's been playing Hypno Bubble pretty much non-stop over the past few days. Now I've started playing it. Have any of you seen this game? It's brightly colored, cheering bubbles matching up and popping. It's like Bejeweled and Tetris had a kid, but even more addictive than both.

Personally, I think this is some sort of evil plot by some Japanese mad scientist to take over humanity. Though, at the moment, all it seems to be doing is absorbing free time. And work time. And pretty much whenever Judy or I are at or near the computer.

Sandwich

It's been a while since I've had a sandwich that's really distinct. These days, it seems like the restaurant's strategy is "add focaccia and/or bacon to existing sandwich." I'm not saying that those ingredients are bad decisions, but there's nothing special about them.

I think today I might head out to the store, get some really nice bread, meat, and toppings, and just make the best sandwich I can. And no pre-cooked lunch meat, either--I'm probably going to get some chicken or turkey and prepare it myself.

Yes, folks, Doctor Cataclysm's Blog--excitement around every corner.

Ah the Classics

Gotta love "Five Fingers of Death." Terrible special effects, stereotypically evil Japanese men, everything a kung fu movie needs.

Screw Hectic

My life has been stressful and busy lately. I've gone on an emotional roller coaster and faced more of my past now than I have since dad died.

Well, screw it. I'm going to watch bad kung fu movies, eat popcorn, and cuddle my girlfriend today. I don't care if Rake turns out to be an invading alien or C. J. shows up on my door looking for a handout or Lady Anaconda wants to invite me personally to Op. Mayhem or whatever. I don't care.

I'm taking today off of drama. Time for some Sonny Chiba action.

Hatchet Report

Had dinner with Eliza and Judy. She was well behaved. We got to talk about what's been going on, our careers, etc. Eliza's just stopping by on her way back to Anarchy Groves in Penn. She's also apparently started killing the mayor of Anarchy Groves pretty much whenever a new one gets elected. Said something about trying to foster an environment of terror in the city.

She's taking off in an hour or so, and while I'm not sad to see her leave, it was honestly good to see she's doing well. I mean, she may be a mass-murdering psychopath, but she's still my baby sister.

A Small Reunion

I was afraid this would happen.

About three in the morning last night, I woke because of a flickering light on my face. When I opened my eyes, there was a petite twenty year old girl with short red hair standing over my bed with a large, flaming axe. This redhead had a maniacal look in her eyes and said axe was raised with intent to kill.

"God damnit Eliza." I muttered, shoving her away from the bed casually. "Learn to knock."

She smiled, rushed to me, and hugged me when I sat up. "Big brother! You know I would never stab you."

"Only because you can't." I replied. This happens every time she shows up. Even with that magic axe and most of the powers of the the angel of death, she can't quite pierce my skin. Sometimes she says its because of the ceramic in my body. Other times she says she can't because I'm her elder sibling and she's forbidden from re-enacting Cain and Abel by the very divine spirit that empowers her. It makes me the only relative she can actually visit without attempting to murder.

"I will someday." She said. She meant it, too. I'm pretty sure Eliza Ferrian, also known as Hatchet, will be the death of me some day. Literally.

"Eliza. What did you do with my girlfriend?" I asked, just now noticing Judy wasn't where she had been when we went to sleep.

"I tied her up and locked her in the closet, and told her I'd kill her after I was done with you." She replied as if she was talking about doing the dishes or some other slightly unpleasant chore.

"Not again. Come on, let's get her out of there and we can, I dunno, get some pizza or something."

Judy was not exactly thrilled at her encounter with my sister. Oh well, I warned her. Mostly, she was confused by Eliza. Because after untying her, she acted as if nothing wierd or wrong had happened. And she was mostly normal, except when she tried to kill the pizza delivery guy. I stopped her, because, well, watching Eliza kill someone is not a very appetizing precursor to a meal.

That's what people don't get, and that's what's so heartbreaking about Eliza's condition. She just doesn't think it's wrong to kill people. She's a nice, sweet girl, she hates lying, and used to go to church twice a week--hell, she might still. But murder? Murder's a thing she does. She doesn't have a reason. She doesn't have a motive. She doesn't need them. She just murders. I'm not even sure she enjoys it. There's just this inhuman drive in her that makes her kill.

I think Judy's starting to get that as well. Eliza said she's missed me, so she's going to be hanging around here a few days. There's really nothing I can do about it, either. I mean, she's a Scarlet Sorceress villain. As strong and crafty as I am, I just can't compete with that. And, also, she has the whole, "not bound by the laws or traps of man" things going on, being half angel.

More later if I'm still alive.

My Absence

Sorry all for no post. It's been kinda hectic lately. Y'see, some extra-dimensional jackass decided it'd be fun to pit a team of different versions of me from a dozen alternate realities against a similar team of Quizzers. The idea being that, if you put a team of identical heroes and villains in a battlefield realm, eventually it can be decided whether or not good or evil is superior. Which, now that I think about it, is so Star Trek it hurts. Though it didn't quite work out like that.

Y'see, in at least two realities, I become the new American Steel when father kicks the bucket. So those two didn't quite get along with the rest of us. No to mention the mirror-universe me, where Doctor Cataclysm was a hero fighting against the evil "Steel Trap." So, in the end, it was the vilainous mes and the evil Quizzers versus the good mes and the heroic Quizzers.

By the way, Evil Quizzer was hilarious. Still named Quizzer, though Limerick might have been a better name.

Anyway, that fight happened, and ended mostly in a draw before that extradimensional bastard sent us back to our normal realities. Except, of course, he sent evil Quizzer to this one in addition to normal Quizzer. At least the presence of two Quizzers helped corroborate my story better with Judy.

Evil Quizzer then kinda went on a rampage and had to be stopped by his heroic counterpart. The police have him in a specially designed holding cell while they wait for Doctor Fate to show up and use her (or is she male again? I can never keep track) extradimensional powers to send him to his proper dimension.

Oh, and also, there was a power outage at St. Toluca's, and all of the inmates escaped. That includes both Nuke and my sister Hatchet.

Joy.

Kids Today

So, I was robbing a bank today, you know, little classic villainy to keep me in practice, and this one little kid actually said, "You'll be sorry when Superman shows up and saves us."

Seriously, is that what society's coming to today? Do our children know fictional heroes better than the real ones? That's depressing. Some days I wonder why the superhero genre is so popular. I mean, we have real, live "heroes" fighting "villains" every day. Maybe they just like to see a world where good and evil can battle and their lives aren't in danger, I don't know.

Anyway, the bank robbery went alright. I managed to escape with most of the money before Quizzer showed up. And before I get hate mail for stealing this money, let me remind you that banks are federally insured for this sort of occasion.

In other news, I think the reason Mechanor's sending me so much food is that he wants to ask if he can set up base in New Vineyard. I'm not sure why he just doesn't ask, but, then again, I can't really know the mind of a robot from the future.

The Wedding

It was actually a very nice wedding. Very classy. And everyone was on their best behavior. Judy totally cried.

I didn't. Captain Visigoth is a liar.

Awkwardness aside, it was kinda cool seeing all my exes. I'd sorta been out of contact the past few years with most of them. They're doing pretty good. Judy seemed a little intimidated, especially by Lock and Load. Or as she's muttering to herself, "The Improbably Busty Twins". She doesn't have anything to worry about, though. Dating those two was one of those things that only seemed like a good idea when I was heavily intoxicated. For one thing, those cybernetics never come off. Not even the guns. Honestly, same with Dionaea, though, obiovusly, for different reasons. Never date someone who is half plant. Trust me on this.

None of my family showed up, thank god.

And did anyone know that Jack Knife came out of the closet? I totally didn't until he showed up to the wedding with a dude. Good for him. Though apparently Lord Grim fired him as a henchman when he found out. Good riddance, if you ask me. Lord Grim is such a tool.

To continue bizarre trends, Mechanor gave me a blueberry pie. Dude makes a seriously excellent pie.

After the wedding, however, the party got a little wild. And by that I mean the American Steel Memorial Pier was demolished. Quizzer was smart enough not to show up--there's not much he could have done, what with a solid dozen fairly powerful supervillains in the area, not to even mention Dina Might's family.

All in all, it went a lot better than I'd expected it would have. Alright! Time for me to get some villainy started!

Urgh

I have gotten so many emails from angsty teens ever since I mentioned Hatchet was my sister.

I'm not sure when my sister became some sort of goth/emo icon. But if you met her in real life, she would not talk to you about the "beauty of death" or the "agony of life". She would just kill you. Seriously. 'Serial killer' doesn't even really cover it, because a serial killer usually has more of a motive than "I have a pointy object. I should totally kill someone with it. That would rule."

And for the last time, she is NOT the Angel of Death. She just ate him and gained his powers. So she's more like a nephilim.

No more emails about Eliza! Seriously guys. My inbox, she can't take it.

Wedding Preparation

Just got back from the rehearsal dinner. "La Bien Vida" is, technically, still standing. But only technically.

On Thursday afternoon, I got a knock on the surface elevator door. When I answered, there was a scrawny young woman with dirty blonde hair, torn blue jeans and a tank top. Her greeting was to punch me in the chest. To give you some idea how strong Dina Might is, I had to patch an exterior wall in my lair. And I still have a bruise.

She didn't mean any malice by this. In fact, after she dragged in a suitcase and watched me weld a plate into the wall, she commented on my ability to take a hit. I asked her not to punch my girlfriend, and she clapped me on the shoulder and laughed loudly.

Anyway, CV showed up a little while after with an armful of suitcases and bags. Most of them looked to be Dina's.

I'm gonna point out that Dina Might is significantly stronger than CV. See anything wrong with this picture?

I was also confused by why they were here rather than a hotel. Or, more accurately, I was suspicious as to why they were here rather than a motel. My suspicions were answered when CV said, "Thanks for letting us stay here over the weekend Big C."

I wanted to say, "Oh Hell No." But frankly, I was worried I wouldn't have a base left if Dina found out Visigoth hadn't cleared it with me and there was a domestic squabble.

After their stuff was settled, I introduced them to Judy. It went about as well as expected.

CV: Daaaamn Big C, she's got a nice....
Dina: *punches CV in the kindeys.*
CV: *doubles over in pain*
Dina: *extends hand* Hi hon, I'm Dina.
Judy: *power armored-knee to CV's face* I'm Judy. Nice arm.

I had my misgivings about CV getting married, but I think Dina might actually be able to keep him in line.

It hasn't all been fun times of seriously injuring Cappy, though. Apparently he couldn't think of anyone to invite to his side so he invited, like, all of my supervillainous ex girlfriends (Fallout, Dionaea, both Lock and Load, and Icicle). And my brother and sister. And Jack Knife and Mechanor, who I don't really have a problem with, but they round out the list.

Of course, I punched him for inviting my exes. And then I told Judy. And then she punched him, with her June Bug armor on.

Judy's excited about meeting my family. They probably won't show, though. I've gotten confirmation Eliza's alive, but she's locked up in St. Toluca's. And C. J. 's probably in some backwater third world country, either getting stoned out of his gourd or razing it to the ground. Or both. If he isn't dead.

The wedding's tomorrow. I'm pretty sure it's not going to go well. But at least I'll probably get to see CV get beaten to a pulp some more. That ought to be fun.

What Happened With Nuke, Anyway?

Quizzer fought Nuke. The first time, Nuke kinda kicked his ass and nearly destroyed downtown in the process.

The second time, Quizzer broke Nuke's containment suit and tossed him into the lake. And a being made of fire that has been flooded is not a happy one.

After Nuke pulled himself together, he and Quizzer fought a third time. Only this time, he used me as bait.

I'm not entirely sure how he got me to agree to this. I so regret giving him my cell phone number. Anyway, Nuke went straight for me and threw large amounts of atomic flame at me, screaming something about the "spawn of evil". It was like being Godzilla's breath mint while Godzilla's also eating a street preacher.

Of course, all that really did was make my eyes glow brighter and my limbs a little stiff. While he was distracted, Quizzer and the Brannigan folks trapped him in an energy-based containment cell, which was then shipped off to St. Toluca's Home for the Criminally Insane and Superpowered, cursing us all the the while and promising revenge.

So, that'll be fun. I so don't have time to worry about that, though.

Because it became August Ninth without me noticing. Captain Visigoth is sleeping on my couch with Dina Might on his oversized chest. The wedding is Sunday evening.

More on that when I stop tearing my hair out from stress.

My Family

All that's happened has got me thinking about my family.

This is never a good thing.

My mother killed herself at the height of American Steel's career. My sister is a serial killer. My brother is a junkie merc. I don't know if either of them is alive right now.

Yeah. American Steel, Protector of the American Family, couldn't keep his own from going to hell. What a shock.

Now you see why I left my father to die in a pit in the bowels of the earth while I gave his murderer a proper burial? He did everything he could for every other person on the planet with his "mission", but he ignored us. Mom just couldn't take it.

Way to go Dad. Your eldest is Doctor Cataclysm, and your baby twins are superpowered psycho Hatchet and equally unstable Overdose.

This is why I don't want Judy to meet my family. Can you blame me?

Yeah, I know. I'm one to talk about people having "Daddy issues". Sorry Fallout.

Story Time

Okay, I've been getting questions about Nuke, here and on my email account, so I guess it's time for a little story. I'm hesitant to tell it, since it's as much about my father's origins as it is my mentor's and Nuke's, but here goes.

Once upon a time, there was a scientist named Jonah Stevens. He worked in Arkady Industries' experimental lab in Vineyard, Illinois in the 70's and early 80's. His specialty was nuclear reactors, and he was instrumental in the synthesis an experimental isotope originally found in a crashed meteorite that produced much stronger fission energy than comparable amounts of the same material.

Now, in the same laboratory, a wretched little man named Doctor Niles Benton was beginning a process that would irradiate ceramic-coated steel in a way that would make it nearly unbreakable. Unbeknownst to his colleagues, Doctor Benton had stolen this technique from a former mentor and friend, whose face and body he had scarred heavily in an attempt to kill his mentor and take this procedure for his own. That friend was Doctor Calvin Lisme.

Doctor Lisme, once he had recovered from the botched assassination attempt, covered his face and body in duranium, the new steel, armor, and determined to ruin his former protege in revenge. First, he released data to the patent office and every major industrial company in America about duranium, effectively making it open source and ruining Benton's attempt to get rich off it himself. Then, Doctor Lisme, now calling himself "Doctor Cataclysm", locked Benton in the Arkady lab late at night, locked the area down, and set the experimental new reactor to overload, thus killing Benton and erasing any evidence he had ever invented Duranium.

However, two people were also trapped in the lab. One was Doctor Stevens. The other, Conner Ferrian. Conner was a security guard at the time, trying to support his teenaged delinquent son and younger twins. That teenaged delinquint, by the way, was me. Conner had seen Doctor Cataclysm in the duranium infusion room and had investigated, only to be locked in and the creation cycle put on automatic.

Doctor Stevens had been knocked unconcious by my predecessor at ground zero, the reactor chamber. He woke up with just enough time to selflessly seal himself into the reactor, in an attempt to also seal the inevitable explosion in with him. When he told the story, Nuke claimed his last thoughts were of his wife and his infant daughter.

When the fallout cleared and the duranium infusion cycle were finished, instead of two corpses, two super-humans were born.

By some twisted miracle, either of genetics or shear force of will, Conner Ferrian survived the infusion process--only he had become a man made of duranium. Super strong and nearly invulnerable, he praised Jesus (I'm so not kidding) for this second chance to do something with his life, and decided to become super-hero American Steel. Only two other people have survived this process, and I didn't even have the whole enchilada done on me. That other one's Red Steel, his Russian counterpart.

Jonah was far less lucky.

To say Jonah Stevens survived the explosion would be a stretch. You see, Jonah was a latent psychic, around 5.0, ten times the normal person. When faced with his mortality, Jonah focused his mind inward, even as radioactive fire burned away his flesh and bones and meat. In that split second after the bottled radioactive explosion faded, Dr. Stevens was no longer a man. "He" was a man-shaped pillar of radioactive fire, held together only by shear force of will.

Stevens tried to return home, but his family did not recognize him. They feared him, and in the frustration of his furiously strained mind, he detonated in a tiny atomic blast. His wife died instantly, but his daughter survived. She's the supervillain Fallout, by the way. She and I dated briefly. It didn't work out. She has hella daddy issues.

Anyway, American Steel's first act as a superhero was to stop the rampaging Stevens from burning Arkady to the ground. Then the newly christened Nuke built himself a containment suit and started his career of revenge and insanity. He was a regular villain for Steel after that, though he also tangled with Miss Atom and the Mississippi Grizzly regularly, the first due to overlapping themes and the second due to location. He was even in the Corrosive Company, that anti-Steel league that the Doc put together. This lasted until American Steel told Nuke that the first Doc was responsible for the explosion that had ended Nuke's life.

The fight after that was supposed death #5 for the Doc, as the CC's headquarters was nuked by Nuke at the climax. God bless emergency bomb shelters.

And here I am. Steel's son and the Doc's protege. More on what happened last week later.

EMP

Sorry about no update. Nuke set off an EMP during his fight with Quizzer last week and knocked out half the city, including my internet.

More later, I have to work the kinks out of a few more things before I have luxury to post. I hate EMPs.

This Ain't Good

I know who is bombing and burning New Vineyard.

It's Nuke.

This is so not good as so many not good levels. Because, you see, there's a pretty good chance that the reason he's burning down slums is because he's looking for me.

I need to do some thinking about this situation. More later.

While I'm Up

Armor--silver base. All of the armor plating is Duranium
Greaves, shoulders, breastplate, helmet-- gold
Mask -- Silver, red lenses
Backpack/jetpack, bracers -- black


On the breastplate is a jagged C I plasma-etched into it. My backpack unit is loaded with gizmos and gadgets. There's other stuff in the armor too.

On another note, some of the projects in Southeast are on fire. I have a bad feeling this is connected to the bombing. And I have an even worse feeling, judging by the way Southeast is burning, of who's responsible for this.

Holy $#?% !

A bomb just went off in downtown.

Not sure who did it, since Judy and I are, or rather, were, watching And Justice for All and giving it a running commentary.

The Arkady Building, according to the news, got the worst of it. No telling if it'll still be standing by morning.

Fuck, I'm glad I'm not a hero. It's too late to scour for clues. Sucks to be Quizzer.

Still, gotta wonder--does this mean there's a villain trying to get in on my turf, or is it just some nutjob looking to make an explosive point?

Oh well, back to the movie.

Still Alive

It's wierd sitting to a fancy dinner at "Le Bien Viva" (Side note--I'm positive that's not real French, or Italian or Spanish or whatever it pretends to be) with a guy who has killed nearly a million people in his career. He looks just as creepy as I'd heard, too. Death's Head was all in this black suit, with a rust-red tie and vest. And while he was there, the restaurant was full of moths. Fluttering around the lights, landing on his shoulders and tie. And the air...it just kind of felt menacing, electric, and malicious. And anyone who says I have creepy eyes has not looked into the black depths of Death's Head's eyes. I don't even remember what the rest of his face looked like, though pictures are on CapeWiki. There's just something about him in person that's unsettling and confusing.

"Welcome, Mr. Ferrian, Miss Baracs." His voice was both smooth and somehow dissonant. And yes, Silas Ferrian. If you didn't know who my dad was before you do now. "I am glad you could make it. Please, enjoy dinner. It is Operation Mayhem's treat."

"I think before I accept a meal from the world's premier psychic assassin, I'd like to know why you asked us here? Or, more importantly, why did you frame me for trying to kill Rake?" I asked, full of false bravado. The presence of my lady friend helped to bolster my bluster.

"As you suspect, those two things are intricately related, Mr. Ferrian. And, as you have also suspected, we are responsible for neither this nor the previous attempt on Rake's life. Until recently, we have barely registered him as a threat." He drank a sip of wine that cost about as much as it cost my mom to put me through nursery school. "That is, ironically..." He trailed off. I imagine he knew I would finish the statement.

"..until he started framing you. So why hasn't Op Mayhem tried to assassinate him now?"

"You have, haven't you?" Judy chimed in. "You tried to teach him a lesson for this and it didn't take."

Death's Head smiled. That smile will give me nightmares. "You are quite astute, the both of you. We have never recovered the assassins we have sent after Jonathan Rake. No bodies, no taunt, nothing. As if something has gobbled them up whole."

A waiter arrived and took our orders. Predictably, Death's Head ordered nothing.

"Why are you telling us this?" Judy asked. It was me who answered.

"He's making amends."

The assassin stood and put on a hat that I still can't remember and nodded. "Yes. You are two very talented young "villains". The Operation always has an eye to the future, and we would hate for two with such promise to be poisoned against us. If you will excuse me, I must take my leave."

I'm pretty sure he was gone right after he said that, but I didn't notice him leaving. Just the moths petering out.

Operation Mayhem did indeed pay for our very expensive meal. Judy was very excited by the whole thing, especially learning Op. Mayhem has its eye on us.

I'm less enthusiastic, to tell the truth. I'm not a very big fan of killing--I avoid it when I can. In Operation Mayhem, killing is a necessity, it's part of the atmosphere, part of the job, and an all-engrossing hobby. Any organization of nihilistic sociopaths with members as prolific as them would see my lack of bloody violence not as a personal preference, but as a dangerous aberration.

Maybe I'm just paranoid. But I have my reasons for not trusting Op. Mayhem, even though I think Death's Head was truthful to us.

Oh well, I'm gonna mod my armor and take it out for a test run. More later.

Good News, Bad News, Wierd News

1-- The new power source is awesome. I get to rebuild all my devices and add EVEN MORE weapons. How awesome is that? Even more, more powerful weapons, that is. And what's even better is, unlike a fusion cell, it won't detonate into a tiny supernova if destabilized. Of course, Brannigan's design is somewhat lacking, but with Judy and I working together, I'm confident in my ability to spread at least 90% more carnage than before. Mwahahaha. This is the good news.

2-- The bad news. When we got home from our heist, I found a note on our kitchen table. It's from Death's Head. Yeah, the head of intelligence for Operation Mayhem and big league superhero Knight Watch's arch nemesis. He's invited Judy and I out to dinner. This would be good news, except DH is just as likely to invite us to Op. Mayhem as he is to poison us for interferring in Op. Mayhem's plot to frame me a couple weeks ago. Well, if I don't post late tonight, you'll know why.

3-- And now, the wierd news. Mechanor sent me a cake. It's pretty good. Not too exciting, but pretty good. God, what is with him giving me food? He probably wants a team-up or something. But, why is he giving me food? Who can tell what's going on in that mechanical brain of his?

That's it for now. Except for the realization that Dina Might's family's probably going to be at the wedding. And for those of you who weren't aware, her mother's a frost giant.

I hate Captain Visigoth.

Mwahaha

Mad with power, post later.

It's All So Clear

When I first looked at those plans I stole, they weren't much. But I was missing the big picture. Sure, they themselves are unremarkable, but then I took a closer look at the implication behind them.

I'm pretty sure, judging by these plans, that Brannigan has found a way to produce the same amount of energy as a Deviant Reactor, only several thousand times smaller and safer.

...and when I told Judy this, she was all, "Oh, you didn't know?"

Sigh.

Oh well, now that I know about it, I might as well see if I can find out how they're doing it. Because with a generator like that, there's no end to the amount of carnage I could unleash.

Out on a Brannigan run. And, hey, Judy's coming too.

I almost feel sorry for Brannigan. Almost.

Partial Success

Mixed success on my attempt at villainy. My plan being go down in my sub and threaten the city with my seismic bracers until I got more precious metals. See, my bracers, in addition to shockwaves, can make earthquakes. Underwater earthquakes lead to tidal waves. Also, as he has asked before for my sub rather than chase the Siluriformes himself, I had reason to believe underwater travel was difficult for Quizzer.

Difficult, but not impossible. The resulting battle left Quizzer half drowned and with a dislocated shoulder and a few broken ribs. But I was left with a thrashed sub and no metals to show for it. But at least the Blue Q is in poor condition. Maybe I should do some other scheme while he's injured. Y'know, press my advantage.

Gonna go watch "The Dark Knight", more on potential villainy afterward if I get inspired.

Siluriforme Attack

So the catfish men attacked the city again. Quizzer was able to push him back by himself this time, though.

Life would be so much easier if he'd just let me nuke them when we had the chance. I mean, the people they killed today would still be alive and..

Mwahahaha

Oooo, I have a great idea for villainy. And the best part is, I don't even have to build anything new for it. More tomorrow, after my caper's pulled off.

Villain's Block

I have no idea what to do for my villainy.

Seriously, I even tried going over those plans a stole a while back again. They're worthless. Gah, this is so frustrating. Maybe I'll go through my stash of gadgets and see if I have anything useful.

Oh, and by the way, Captain Visigoth and Dina Might are registered at Wal-Mart and a few various Army Surplus stores, including one right here in New Vineyard. Y'know, on the off chance any of the five people reading this wanted to buy two thugs a wedding gift.

Judy's Parents

Judy's Mom and Dad are wierd.

As far as I can tell, the parents to who is probably the greatest scientific mind of our time are a pair of artists from Madison who specialize in abstract sculpture. They are neither particularly intellectual nor are they very scientific. They just like making cool shapes out of stone and then have students try to guess the "hidden meaning". They are, however, very nice and very open-minded. I don't think Judy's told them about June Bug yet, but if they recognized me they didn't seem to mind my vocation.

Judy let slip something about meeting my parents. That's kind of impossible, though, but I didn't feel like explaining that just yet. Maybe someday. Probably soon.

After an exciting couple of weeks, things are moving pretty slowly around here. I managed to get some quiet time and watch The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly on AMC with a big bowl of popcorn.

Hmm, I think I need to impliment some villainy soon. After all, I much prefer being blamed for something I've actually done.

Judy

I'm not sure what I'd do without her. No, seriously. These past few weeks have been trying, to say the least, and Judy, well, she's been my rock. She's believed me when no one would. She helped me find a solution.

The frame up, unlike my other problems, was worse than it sounds. But, of course, anyone with access to cable news knows what's happened the past couple of weeks. On July Fourth, a bomb nearly detonate under Jonathan Rake as he was giving his address. It was found by his security personnel just in time. This bomb, was you guys know, was Vaporizer Mk. II, one of the old doc's inventions. Suddenly, I was being accused of trying to kill the most beloved presidential candidate in the history of America.

I had stayed home that whole day. Hell, I slept through the address. So, suffice it to say I was taken a bit by surprise.

I mean, first my arm turns to stone and my lair gets flooded, and then suddenly a witch-hunt for something I didn't even do. Judgement and Stheno came to town to try to find me and bring me to justice. You know you have it bad when there's a Fury out for your head.

And the worst part, the worst part was the follow-up speech. "Doctor Cataclysm is just a product of his environment, he deserves pity more than scorn. He's the one who needs help." Blah blah blah blah. He forgave me. For something I didn't even do. Look pal, I'm me, and nothing can change that. And you can't even blame my environment. Look at who my dad was. Look at the example I grew up with. I'm nothing like him. Nowhere near as tethered by society as he was. I follow in my predecessor's footsteps not because I was from a bad family. It's because I'm free.

Anyway, my first instinct was to try to find out what really happened by watching the footage a few hundred times from different angles. That didn't help. Someone knocked out all security cameras in the freaking city during bomb set-up. No indication where the guy came from, who did it, nothing. And it's also a trick the old Doc did a couple times before. And no, it couldn't be him. He's dead. I buried him myself. And his grave was still in perfect condition when I paid my respects during the road trip.

Judy was the one who actually thought of how to prove my innocence. It took a lot of boring paper-work. But, the news says I'm innocent again.

See, I don't use those bombs anymore. Hell, the Doc stopped using the Mk II a long time ago. We were on Mk. IV during the Cataclysm Engine Incident. At any rate, through a big pile of beaurocracy I was able to prove that all of them had been sold off and I haven't made any of that model. I had to have Stheno listen as I talked, just so her wierd "guilt-sensor" could prove I was innocent. God I'm glad those two are gone. And you, of course, know where that paper trail led.

I swear, Operation Mayhem just has no respect anymore. Framing another villain. I mean, you have to be pretty depraved for Rakshasa to leave your organization. I thought that Op. Mayhem was supposed to be bringing us together.

But, then again, it doesn't make sense. Operation Mayhem doesn't mask its motives. It says, out front, that it has done something and why. It's full of some serious, old school villains.

Something here isn't adding up. It's almost like Op. Mayhem's being framed. By Rake? Maybe he's trying to make himself seem like he's more feared by villains than he is. But framing Op. Mayhem, that's, like, asking to be assassinated. So why haven't they gone after him again, if they ever did in the first place.

I'm getting the feeling I'm on the brink of some kind of understanding about all this. I wonder what it is. More importantly, I hope it doesn't drag me into it again.

Anyway, gotta go get ready to visit Judy's parents. Wish me luck.

Petrification

This also isn't as bad as it sounds.

My body is laced with ceramic. It makes me super-strong, super-tough, a bit smarter than normal, energy-absorbant, and aging slightly slower than the normal person. It is, in fact, the same stuff they put on steel during the process of creating duranium.

But there are side effects. My eyes, my increased density, and occasionally greying. And I'm not talking about hair.

Sometimes my skin turns grey and my muscles get stiff, usually when I've been exposed to a bit more radiation than normal, but it just randomly shows up from time to time. It's a bit painful. And a bit alarming. But it fades in time. It's like having arthritis. Only not. Because that would be lame for any villain under 50. I wonder if Devias has arthritis, if he's still alive today.

Of course, now that I've insinuated Devias has arthritis I'm probably getting deathrayed. Oh well.

Then again, if Devias is alive today he's probably found the fountain of youth or some sort of age-reversing-ray or something like that, knowing him. I swear, golden age heroes and villains have their degrees in "plot-device science". Of course, these days, we go for degrees in gimiicky science. Like destroying things.

Does anybody else think it's wierd, by the way, that we refer to it as the golden age? As far as I can tell, we're doing it because of how comics are described. That's, like, the opposite of how it works. Plus, unlike comics, all those old heroes and villains--well, almost all--are dead or retired by now. The only pair I can think of that are still active are the Scarlet Sorceress and her insidious rival, super-supervillain Rakshasa. And that's just because they're immortal. Well, Rakshasa is anyway. Scarlet Sorceress is just aging really slowly. I like the whole sexy librarian thing she has going for her....who am I kidding? Everyone likes the sexy librarian thing she has going for her. Sure, she's not exactly "sexiest hero of the year" anymore, but that's only because she's not all "dressed" up in skin-tight black spandex like the floozies these days are. It's like they're asking for a wardrobe malfunction.

God, I'm showing my age. Judy says I talk like an old man some times. Well, I am nearly forty, after all, even though you wouldn't think me past my mid-late 20's to look at me. At least I'm not turning into my father.

Gah, I'm rambling. Next time, I'll talk about that whole frame-up thing.

Oh, and by the way, this, http://drhorrible.com/ , is several shades of awesome.

The Flood

I'm making it sound worse than it was.

Essentially, one of the walls sprung a leak. The problem is that this leak, if you'll remember, had the full force of one of the largest freshwater lakes in the world behind it.

Long story short, I had to devise a very large pump and then Judy and I had to leave for a while so it could do its thing. Because a pump that large means no peace and quiet.

We took a trip down to old Vineyard and sifted through the wreckage of the old Doc's lair. A security guard tried to stop us but we convinced him not to politely. I. e., he's still alive, but scared half to death of duranium-encased doom.

I was surprised to see that the Cataclysm Engine, despite the rather large explosion caused by killing American Steel, was largely intact. The main problem was the fact that tremendous heat had caused all internal working parts to fuse. We did manage to rip a few large chunks of duranium off the mechanism, though. It's not much, but they'll come in handy somehow.

Okay, sleep now, petrification later.

Loose Ends

Before I go into detail about the calamities of the past couple weeks, I kinda wanna talk about how the whole June Bug thing turned out.

A couple days after JB held the head of Brannigan above the city, one of the whackjobs on the radio came out with his typical inflammatory bullshit about the event. He started talking about how it must have been June Bug's "time of the month" and how "as a [woman], [June Bug] is incapable of any of the thing's she's threatened to do." And other completely stupid things. Look at Dina Might. Hands down the most destructive, callous, juvenile, and cruel villain of modern supervillainy. ...oh god, she's going to be in my city in a month. Why the hell did I agree to that?

Oh, right, alcohol.

In response, June Bug leveled his recording studio by hitting it with the force of a Judy-sized, but several hundred times denser, meteorite.

Of course, Quizzer showed up and saved the people trapped in the rubble. They never found the body of that shithead. Any time I bring it up Judy laughs maniacally and changes the subject.

She makes me so proud.

However, at this point, the police, army, and an angered Brannigan had put two and two together and realized only one person had the motive and ability to do these things.

Unfortunately for them, Judy Baracs, as I have mentioned before, is a genius, and figured that, sooner or later, they'd catch her. So, when Brannigan security, the National Guard's Anti-Villain Task Force, and a full SWAT team closed in on her, they didn't find a meek college student. They found June Bug with a tidal bomb.

The video of these three law enforcement organizations falling over and puking from the bomb's effects is on YouTube if you wanna check it out, by the way.

Once again, Quizzer showed up and, this time, there was a scuffle. And I am both embarrassed and proud to say that the Blue Q got his keister kicked in a way I was never quite able to. I was also able to get my first clear look at her armor--some sort of black mesh under a bronze-colored composite on her chest, hips, legs, and arms. On her back is a big ovoid dome, which has most of her gravitational compressor array in it. Her helmet is also bronze-ish, and has a pair of "mandibles" and "antennae", along with a pair of green lenses over the eyes.

After she pounded Quizzer enough to make her escape, June Bug came here. I have no idea how she knew about my underwater lair, but she knocked on the airlock and I let her in and, surprise surprise, it was Judy under that armor.

So, to summarize, she and I are living together now--which is fine. I mean, my base used to house a couple dozen workers in relative comfort. Half of the rooms I don't even use anyway. I'm, at her request, giving her some tips on supervillainy, though I doubt there's anything I can teach her, since she's already doing a better job than I have in the past.

So far so good with living with her. It's been a few weeks and I don't want to kill her yet. Of course, it helps we have plenty of room to wander off if we get sick of each other.

Gotta go get pizza with Judy, I'll write about the flood of Aught Eight next time.

Update

Can't talk long. A few words to explain my absence.

1--Base Flooded.

2--Turned to stone.

3--Framed for assassination attempt against Rake--yes, framed. You didn't think I'd do something tacky like try to kill a presidential candidate, did you? I'm not one of those supervillains with a "cause" or "beliefs".

More later.

June Bug--Update

So, Judy won't admit to being June Bug. Even though whenever I bring her up, she gets a telltale self-satisfied smirk on her face and says an off-handed comment about putting people in their place. Which, obviously, just makes me suspect her even more.

However, wow, she's been...enthusiastic...all day. Supervillainy seems to have gotten her in a reaaaally good mood, if you catch my drift. Still, I wonder why she hasn't admitted to being June Bug. I mean, it's pretty obvious to me. And it's probably pretty obvious to Brannigan as well. Maybe I'll bring that up with her later. For now, we're gonna watch Terminator and eat some kettle popcorn.

New (?) Villain in Town

Right at this moment, a girl in beetle-esque power armor is holding the head of Brannigan's New Vineyard branch by his neck several thousand feet above the city. Because of her bronze armor and the fact she seems to have some sort of gravity-manipulator that enables her to smash into objects with substantially more mass than she actually has, and the month, the press has labeled her "June Bug". She has yet to make any demands, but apparently smashed through the upper levels of Brannigan Towers and grabbed him after saying something about "Needing to talk to him about some of his gender policies."

...is it just me, or does this all sound familiar? Gravity manipulation, a score to settle with Brannigan...

God, I hope Judy knows what she's doing. If it is Judy.

Hmm

So, I think Judy's up to something, though I'm not sure what. When I picked her up and dropped her off, I noticed she had a lot of high-tech equipment in her living room. She also didn't seem to want me to come in, like she's hiding something.

Hmmm.

Armor Test

I took the new armor out for a spin today. There was this armored car that had some secret plans that were headed to Brannigan that I wanted to hit. It went pretty well, I was able to basically tear the car in half and steal the plans before Quizzr showed up. I haven't had a chance to look at them, though, since I'm taking Judy out tonight in an attempt to make her feel better. She's been really busy with something over the past few days, and she won't really say what. Oh well, she'll tell me eventually.

Worried About Judy

Judy's really starting to get me worried. It seems like she's just getting more and more depressed the longer she works at Brannigan. And she still won't tell me what's going on--though I think I'm starting to get a picture in my head from her off-handed comments. I think they aren't letting her take credit for something she invented because she's a woman. And I think, though I'm not sure, they've said it's because she's an intern. But I'm also getting the impression male interns are getting a different treatment.

If this keeps up, I'm going to suggest she leave.

Stuff

CV sent me a drunken voicemail today apologizing for the weekend. He's a great guy, but, seriously, he could use a little better self control. Especially if he's getting hitched. Especially if he's getting hitched to Dina Might, the woman who once broke a skyscraper with her face.

In other news, I'm worried about Judy. It seems like whatever bad stuff's happening at work is just getting worse. She's actually let slip a few things--something about a patent and a glass ceiling. I hope she gives me the whole story soon--who knows, maybe I can threaten a few Brannigan officials into submission.

I Hate My Friends

Okay, to give you guys some reference, I just got in.

From when I went out Friday night.

I knew it was gonna be trouble the whole time, too. You see, Captain Visigoth knocked. Read your history books--Visigoths were not known for their courtesy. Y'see, the big lug came to have a drink with his old buddy. He also came to ask a favor.

Mechanor, I have no idea why that guy was here. Or why CV decided he should go drinking with us, since he's a robot...thing, and doesn't drink. But the tuna casserole he brought, that was just wierd, man. The minute he...er, it, I guess, is more accurate. Anyway, the minute it came through the door, it handed me this glass dish full of tuna, cheese, and noodles, and said, "Mechanor has made you a casserole. It is very nutricious and should stimulate your oral taste receptors well. Mechanor does not need the pan back. Silicon is common and easily replaceable." It's a pretty good caserole, though. I'm eating it now. Needs some pepper, though. Knowing him, spices are probably frivolous. Like personal pronouns, apparently.

I know CV because, after he was freed from that Roman temple he was trapped in back in the 80's, he did odd jobs for supervillains for a while, before he broke out into fame of his own in the late 90's. One of those villains was the old boss. We used to go drinking and pillaging right before a big rampage, to get ourselves pumped. That was back in the Bulldozer days, of course.

Anyway, CV (Captain Visigoth, by the way, is his legal name) started talking about the good old days, and how he missed just kicking back and tearing down a city block or two. I didn't have anything else to do, so I decided to go, but I was a bit wary. CV was acting waaaay too considerate for me to trust him. The guy once headbutted an elderly security guard. Not because he was a threat, but because CV thought it would be funny.

So we went out drinking while Mechanor tried to analyze everything we did, and we were chilling in a bar, scaring the patrons, waiting for the cops to try to throw us out, when CV asked me if I wanted to be his best man in August. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend but apparently, he and Dina Might are getting hitched. They met at...some place. I don't remember. I had a couple bottles of Jack in me at the time. But apparently they've been dating for a couple years now.

CV's a really, really bad poker player, so I could tell he wasn't telling me something, but then the cops came and we had a big barfight. And, right in the middle of the bedlam Captain V asked me the second, and main part of his favor.

He wants to hold it here. In New Vineyard--he thinks the pier would be a great place to have it, and no other island's villain will let him within five hundred miles of their cities. A supervillain wedding. Not only that, but a wedding between two of the most needlessly destructive supervillains this planet's seen. Trashing up my city. Which, as I've said before, is my job.

Before I could answer, he threw a cop through the wall, told me to think about it, and then suggested we all go to a strip club. I tried my damndest to not go with him, since I hate how CV gets around women, but, an hour later, there we were.

It didn't really take long for CV to start getting rough with the girls, which I don't really approve of, so I got rough with him, told him to back off, and then, well, we got in a little fight.

And by a little fight, I mean we burned down most of the dock area beating the crap out of each other while Mechanor stayed at the strip joint, and, for some unearthly reason, tried to pole dance. I think he was trying to understand why it was so enthralling. Sometimes I wonder how this guy was able to invade the whole world.

Now, here's where my memory gets a little fuzzy, because I think that I agreed to both be his best man and let him have his wedding here if he both let me bring a date and got the hell out of town until then. He agreed, but before he could leave, Quizzer showed up, and we fought, and I used the time Quizzer was spending to beat up my friends to go hide out at Judy's.

I slept most of the day, and then Judy took me out to get some water and food in me, we fooled around a bit, and then I came back here and decided to condense everything that's happened on this blog.

I have a feeling I'm going to regret that promise. Oh well, time for sleep.

CELLPHONE UPDATE

TEARS AND FIRE.

TEARS AND FIRE.

More Politics

Y'know, Brian Shasta has to be the one person made vice presidential candidate out of pity. I mean, as a senator he screwed up in pretty much every way he could--I understand he's a nice guy, but, really, politics ain't for nice guys. Hell, Rake probably kicks puppies when the cameras are off. And

Okay, there's someone knocking on my door. This is odd because I live at the bottom of a great lake.

Alright, gonna have to cut this short. Captain Visigoth and Mechanor just came by. They want to go out drinking.

I have a feeling this is gonna end in tears. And fire. Tears and fire.

Up to Date

I spent a lot of the past couple weeks alternatively with Judy and working on my new armor--which is now done. I'll probably take it out to test sometime this weekend. I'm happy with it--full body armor this time, with much better shock absorbtion and even more gadgets. The only problem is, I used up most of my duranium when making it. Which means I should definitely make a trip down south soon and see if I can scavenge some of the Cataclysm Engine or something.

Judy's doing fine, though I get the feeling she's having some trouble at the Brannigan. She won't tell me what, though, as she's afraid I'd blow up the place if I knew. Which just makes me want to know more, of course. But she can take care of herself.

Apparently, if you haven't heard already, Rake's making his Fourth of July address right here in New Vineyard. Maybe I'll go see it. Or maybe I'll stay in my air-coniditioned room and watch it on tv.

Yeah, that sounds much better. Well, I'm less busy now, so expect more posts in the next week.

Siluriformes, pt 2.

Yeah, I suck. But I have good reason to not have updated, which I'll explain once I finish saying what happened a couple weeks ago.

Okay, so my plan was that if the fish men have stuff that lets them access a global positioning network, it stands to reason that they might have networked other information, in something like the internet. So, I bought a laptop linked with my home computer to the coffee shop and had my computer find a connection and translate the information for me, so Quizzer and I could find out a bit more about the Siluriformes' inconvenient plans.

Turns out, their information network is a lot like the internet. And my computer's translator isn't always spot-on. Suffice it to say that I have seen fish porn. And I am never eating cavier or sushi ever again.

So, after I scarred myself and Quizzer (who is, by the way, a dorky redhead with glasses and questionable taste in clothing) for life, I found their version of wikipedia, and found out a bit about them.

So, apparently, there was a civilzation of fish people under the atlantic a way way long time ago. A fringe group thought that all surface dwellers needed to die, but the mainstream fish folks weren't so keen on that. There was a big war where lots of weapons of mass destruction were used, and when the smoke cleared, an island was sunk and sterilized of surface life and the fish people were nearly destroyed. The survivors of the anti-surface dwellers were exiled to a prison-colony under a freshwater lake system, where they lived and evolved for millions of years before I, um, accidentally freed them when my face hit the lake bottom hard enough to make it molten for a brief moment.

And now they're back and trying to annihilate the surface dwellers once again somehow. I'd just like to point out, before I start getting hate mail, that I had no way of controling where I impacted. Seriously. Not my fault.

Anyway, after we'd had enough of searching for random things on fishwiki, Quizzer (who, because he helped me out, will remain with his secret identity intact. For now.) and I went to the dock to see if we could find out anything more.

Now, I didn't have my armor at the time because, well, my plans were taking a bit longer than I'd anticipated, so I just had my bracers. Quizzer was fully suited up. I felt like I needed an "I'm with stupid" t-shirt.

We spent a lot of time just kind of looking around, Quizzer broadly hinting that maybe I should get my sub, me ignoring him out of spite. We'd just about had it with each other when a big thing that looked like a giant tuning fork rose out of the water. Okay, well, it looked like a giant tuning fork attached to a city block sized hovercraft covered in weapons. As we watched, the hovercraft projected this big holographic image in the air that showed Captain Deadfish himself. He gargled for a while and repeatedly pointed to my Judy with a trident and made it clear that if we did anything, no more Judy.

Of course, given that I pretty much instantly put two and two together and realized just what that thing was, I knew that Judy would have probably died anyway if we let it go off.

It was a device to pull all the oxygen out of the air for, like, twenty minutes at most. Long enough to kill pretty much every complex animal on the planet--at least, every one that wasn't aquatic in some way, shape, or form. I knew what it was because, well, I kinda have one down in the lair. Nothing as big as this, of course, mine's more for a room than the entire planet. But still, same premise.

Of course, only a Deviant Reactor could power something like this. And if that Deviant Diamond was found on the ocean bottom, that probably meant that the fishmen had this technology way back then.

And, of course, I had to explain it all to Quizzer. And then I had to explain how a Deviant Reactor worked. And then I had to put the whole picture together for him.

And then he asked me how I'd recognized it so quickly and luckily the fishmen started shooting at us before I had to make up an answer.

Now, fighting the Siluriformes was easy. Especially with my bracers. The trick was trying to figure out a way to stop the reactor and save Judy at the same time. And let me tell you, Quizzer was no help at all. I had to do all the planning, while fighting, while Mr. No-technical-know-how sat back and tossed fish left and right.

See, if you pull a diamond out of a Deviant Reactor, the reactor explodes. That's why there's that giant crater in Siberia where Devias had his lab. When Mr. Liberty pulled those gems out, boom. And it takes about a day to shut down, so even if we'd been able to start the shutdown procedure, chances were high that the remaining energy would still wipe out a lot of people.

My plan was genius and Quizzer is just to narrow-minded to see it. I wanted him to use his psychic powers, after I'd rescued Judy, to send the Oxygen Devourer to about where the prison colony is and let it detonate there. Two birds, one stone. However, he was all "morally oposed" to that. So, instead, the plan was just to send it into space with a combination my bracers and his powers. Lame.

I broke into the hovercraft, fought my way to the control center, and there I faced off with Captain Deadfish.

Well, faced off implies a fight. I just really smacked him around a bit, grabbed Judy, and got out of there.

Apparently, the explosion of the hovercraft was visible all across the northern hemisphere. Nasa is a bit pissed at Quizzer and I, though. Apparently, we broke some satellite or something. Oh well. You'd think they'd thank us for, I don't know, saving the world or something.

It was such a relief to get Judy back. And Judy was very happy to see me.

Veeeery happy. It's been a reeeeeeal nice couple of weeks, if you catch my drift.

Okay, just one more post and I'll be caught up on these things. Right now I have to go out on a double date with Judy, Quizzer, and his girlfriend.

Whew

Sorry about that. It's been a hectic, um, week and a half since I last posted. For mostly good reasons, though.

Alright, guess I should fill you guys in on what happened at the museum on Saturday. Well, the date actually went pretty well. The guy at the front gave me a little flak, but he backed down when he realized I was A, willing to pay, and B, very, very large.

We didn't go straight for the diamond. Instead, we took a little tour around the museum, saw the dinosaurs, got some overpriced churros, etc. You know, museum stuff. And then we got to the diamond.

It was more impressive than I thought it would be. The gem was bigger than my head and sea green.

It also wasn't really a diamond. I saw that too. There's a type of energy created by harmonizing certain rare gems together, called the Deviant Effect, from the golden age supervillain, Devias, that invented it. It's extremely high energy and very, very unstable, unless you have the exact number of specially made and crafted artificial diamonds to back it up. The first Doctor C studied it and tried to duplicate it once or twice, so I knew a Deviant Diamond when I saw it.

"It's beautiful." Judy, oblivious, said. I started to reply when a large explosion rocked the museum, and a troop of, well, the best way to describe them is "Catfish People". Bipedal, smooth grey skin, big whiskers, spiny bits. You know, catfish people. There's a pretty good picture of them on CapeWiki. Look under Siluriformes. I wrote most of that article, so you know it's quality. They were all dressed in these silver jumpsuits with a breather-apparatus over their gills that was hooked up to this tank thing. They all had these wierd trident-electrogun things.

Anyway, after blowing a hole in the side of the museum with some sort of artillery, killing and injuring dozens, the leader--he had a fish skull on his lapel--started ordering his men around and I shoved Judy behind me. They went straight for the diamond, and started to make off with it when my least favorite meddler in a cape, Quizzer, showed up and started tossing them left and right with that telekinesis of his. They tried their electrowhatsits, but his force field kept them at bay.

Fish Skull was starting to get frantic now, having obiously not anticipated Captain Dumbname arriving. And then he fixes his fisheyes on me--at least, that's what I thought. He gargled out some garglemesh and a bunch of his goons mobbed me--I held my own, but I didn't quite realize that I was just a distraction. Before I knew it, I threw ten of those proto-fishsticks off me only to see two of them dragging off Judy. She yelled out my name, I yelled out hers, it was all very dramatic. And then, Fish Skull pointed his trident at Judy and made a loud gargling noise, probably to get Quizzer's attention.

See, I'm obviously superhuman. So they saw this girl hiding behind a big strong superhero type (ha) and probably thought she was important. Thus, a perfect hostage. Fish Skull grabbed her, and then moved out slowly with a few minions, who happened to have the "diamond" with them.

Quizzer, thankfully being one of those goody-goody types, didn't attack and endanger Judy. However, as soon as Fish Skull was out of eyesight, the fishboys remaining started assaulting us. I tried to rush after him, and Quizzer, to his credit, tried to follow too, but the minions kept us at bay long enough that, by the time we'd gotten out and beaten them all to a sushi pulp, the only sign of them was a trail of destruction leading to and from the water's edge.

"Hey, you there! Bulldozer!" He called to me. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not called that anymore and you know it." I yelled back, fuming at this point for letting the fishmen take Judy.

"Okay." He hovered down next to me. "Look, Cataclysm. I know we've had our differences, but I can't go under water very well and.."

I shushed him. "You want me to, what, lend you my sub?"

"...yes."

"First of all, you're not charging into their base and endangering my Judy with my sub. If they want that gem for what I think they want it..." My eyes trailed to the catfish men's bodies. They looked like they had radios. And maybe some kind of GPS system...

"Meet me at the Purple Corner Cafe in an hour, street clothes." He tried to say something, but I shushed him again.

"Don't argue. I have a plan."

That's enough for now, getting tired. Later today, I'll write about the team-up that should never have happened--Me and Quizzer.

Okay, not much time

I'll give a more detailed account later, but I only have a couple minutes right now, and Quizzer looking at me and sighing while I'm typing and as much fun as it is to annoy him, I gotta hurry.

Catfish men from the bottom of Lake Michigan are trying to destroy all surface life with a giant tuning fork and a series of progressively larger diamonds. Also, I'm helping Quizzer stop them because all surface life dying would probably be bad.

Um, more later if we don't get vaporized.

Just a Couple Things

First off, both me and the old boss were in the news today, both about seismic anomalies. It looks like the old Doc's Cataclysm Engine is shifting down in Old Vineyard, because the news says there have been a few earthquakes centered around Old Vineyard recently. Huh. I didn't even realize that that thing was still intact at all after the incident that killed the boss and American Steel. I might have to take a road trip down to southern Illinois and check that out.

Second, the explosion of the Eye apparently caused a few cracks to form in the earth's crust or something, because there's been a lot of wierd geological stuff happening out in Lake Michigan. No one's quite sure what it is, since whatever's happening isn't like any natural earthquakes seen previously. Oh well, a few subs are launching from the docks to go check it out, so we'll probably know more soon.

Third, Judy and I went out for lunch today to celebrate, in her words, "No more working at that fucking diner". We got some Chinese. It was nice--I'm a sucker for pepper beef.

Lastly, which is more me looking for confirmation than anything else, remember back when Rake got stabbed? Well, after they released the data on that "reality cloak" gizmo the would-be assassin had on him, I looked over the tape a few more times and, well...is it just me, or does that guy look scared out of his mind by Rake. Like, when Rake looks at him just before he gets stabbed, the guy totally flips out. And that's another thing. Rake seems to see the guy waaaay before his guards do. Just a little glance, but if you look carefully, you can totally tell he's seen the guy.

Something wierd is going on, that's for sure. Maybe Rake has superpowers or something? Him being a superhero would explain a lot. Or maybe it was staged, and he's a plant from Op. Mayhem. But that doesn't make sense...Carmichael's on the take, or was on the take, with Op. Mayhem. Why risk their own guy? Or go to all this trouble to get Rake elected?

Maybe I'm just overthinking this. They did say the guy wasn't right in the head. Maybe he was hallucinating that Rake was some kind of monster. An unstable mind plus something that screws with a person's perception of reality...that's practically asking for hallucinations. Oh well, we'll see what happens. That's one reason why I like being a villain--I see something suspicious, I have no drive other than curiosity to find out what's up.