Friday, December 25, 2009

Hello Humans

My mistresses are too busy fighting amongst themselves to give you a proper update on Master Cataclysm's status, so they have tasked me to do so. I am Kushiel, Lock and Load's computer. No, I am not named for fantasy bondage erotica.

He is currently still brooding over certain things said to him by one Judy Barracs, his former lover. Meanwhile, Miss Hex also broods because she continually hints to him that she is infatuated with him but, alas, Master Cataclysm has yet to pick up on her hints despite them being, on occasion, glaringly obvious.

Oh dear. Madam Lock and Madam Load have pulled weapons on each other. I had best smooth over the situtation.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Haha You People Read Silas's Blog

Hey internet slaves wazzup this is Lock. You know im the sexy twin of Lock and Load. Load is an ugly slutbag and ihwehwadabdb;dbeubr

God Lock is such a fat whore. This is Load. Silas is being all emo and Dr. Nofun so we're hyjacking his blog. And I

Hey bitchtard guess what Kushiel let me hack the post while you write it ha ha you dumb twat

Ohmygod, learn to punctuate you idiot.

You make me twat farmer.

Oh that is it I am going to murder you so hard your retarded babies will be able to feel it. Anyway Silas is having "girl troubles" which is code for him being a total sissy about Hex and that Judy whore.

Judy is such a whore oh my god.

God damnit Lock I'm trying to write here. Can you stop being an idiot for ten fucking seconds and let me write?

Your mom.

We're twins you idiot. Also, my mom what you dumbass? Anyway, it's obvious Judy's trying to use him or something. But Hex has to be all "Oh I want him to be happy even if I'm not with him." God you can so tell she's still a virgin with all that fairy-tale sparkly vampire crap she keeps spouting.

Inorite?

Stop it you dumb bitch.

Oh now look who cant punctuate.

I'm going to beat you to death with Kushiel you fat whore.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Blah

Judy wants to talk to me about something. She's left like five apologetic-sounding voicemails. Blah. I don't have anything to say to her. She threw me out of my own aerial base! That's kind of a deal-breaker. Let 'Scarab' do whatever the hell she wants.

Hex agrees with me that nothing but trouble can come of this. Bruiser thinks that I'm being too harsh and maybe she still had some leftover demon mojo screwing around with her head when she did that.

....blah. Maybe I will go talk with her. But I'm bringing my armor. I may be a chump but I'm not stupid.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Superwatch 09

There was some kind of industrial accident out in the Dregs. I bet that someone got superpowers out of it.

Seriously, when I watch the news, I'm looking for stuff like that. You know, sizing up the competition and potential heroes.

Mechanor seems to be attacking used car lots in New Vineyard. I have no idea why, though. It's hitting them and running before anyone has the chance to stop that crazy robot.

The plan'll probably involve the cars coming alive and assaulting motorists. Or something. Man, I need to get to work on some villainy. I've been lazy this year.

Oy

I am not good at updating this thing anymore.

In my defense, though, I've been a bit busy what with thanksgiving and preparing for the holidays. I haven't even fought Quizzer lately. I guess he's too busy fighting vampires or whatever.

Seriously, what is up with vampires lately? Is it that Twilight movie? Is it as bad as I've heard it is? Judy hated them with vitriollic passion but I guess Hex reads them on occasion. I haven't been able to get a straight answer whether it's ironic or not. So I'm assuming it's guilty pleasure territory.

Thanksgiving was me and Hex watching superheroes trying to stop that alien metal from consuming New Vineyard. Does it seem wrong to anyone else that China gets ravaged for years by the techno plague and no one finds a cure, but it hits and American city for like two weeks and all of a sudden there's a cure?

The holidays currently promise to be the twins, P.A.I.N., Jack and his boyfriend, Mechanor, and possibly Lock and Load again. Probably because those two can't resist a chance to freeload. Captain Visigoth is still MIA. Which is probably for his own benefit given what his (ex?) wife is going to do to him when she finds him.

I smile when I think of that mental image. Though to be honest Dina Might deserves the same.