Yes, It Is Rocket Science

Rocket Science is actually easier than the hype.

Oh, it's still hard, but I know a lot of the basics. Really, if you've built missiles and plasma engines and hovercrafts, you can build a space shuttle.

Gonna need to steal a few new parts, but all in all, I should be ready soon.

If I can stop playing Hypno Bubble 2, that is.

Oh, also? Totally freaking called it. If you're local, you already know about it, but for everyone else, there's a new villain in town calling himself Wasteland, and he seems to have some weird life-destroying aura. Not really sure how it works. Haven't been able to get a hold of him to ask, since after his first fight with Quizzer, he "died". It's amazing how many villains "die" after their first fight with a hero. And don't leave a body. Sure he'll be back in a few months.

Don't know what he agenda is, if he has one. Press is actually pretty quiet about the whole thing.

They still haven't found that ship that went missing when the island came back into temporal space. Knowing his luck, it'll probably fall on an orphanage while Quizzer's taking a final.

Update!

This plan is awesome.

Basically, it's a standard "ransom city for precious metals and gems" plan. Why always precious metals and gems? Mostly to make more things with.

But thousands of tiny magnet bombs, scattered everywhere, ready to cause havoc at a moment's notice? If Quizzer tries to stop them at one side of the city, I can set them off on the other side. He tries to save Downtown, I can detonate bombs in the Slags. He tries to save the Slags and I can detonate bombs in Southeast.

And the beautiful chaos they cause when they go off. I honestly can't see him foiling this one. At least not until I get a good haul.

He might just come right at me, though. I don't think he knows exactly where my base is, but I'm pretty sure he knows it's under water. Oh well, I've had years to get this thing Quizzer-proof. Let 'im come.

In more serious news, Rodney Richards, also known as the villain Lightning Rod, received the death penalty today, ironically enough by electric chair.

I'd say I feel bad about this, and how it sucks to have another dead villain, but he was scum, so screw him. People like him give other villains a bad name--even Captain Visigoth and "Lord" Grim're classier than he was.

I'd worry about getting flamed by his friends and henchmen, but I think he lost all of them a while ago.

Anyway, back to monitoring my plan.

Time to Turn Things Around

This year is the turning point. I'm going to write more, and I'm going to do more stuff. Like villain stuff.

Villain stuff. It's phrases like that that prove I'm a professional.

Why this sudden exclamation? Life's pretty good right now, honestly. Sure, my godly infant has become a godly toddler, but seeing her still makes me smile. Hex is still awesome to date and it's going really well. I haven't had any major schemes in a while, but I'm going to change that. Can't have Scarab and Sinapse muscling me out of my position as New Vineyard's main villain, after all.

I know just the thing to get me started off. An oldy but a goody, you might say. If you were, you know, incredibly lame.

Time to take the city by storm. Not literally, though. No more weather control for me. At least not right now.

I feel good about this year.

Young Whippersnappers

The Candleflames are burning down downtown again. Guess Quizzer's raid's about to be interrupted.

Ah to be young, with nothing but a plasma rifle and a dream to burn the city to ashes. I remember when I was that naive. I grew up, though, and came to realize that just a plasma rifle's not enough.

Some days, I think about recruiting the Candleflames as henchmen but, really, I don't want to deal with teenagers more than I have to. It's going to be bad enough in twelve-thirteen years when I have a partly divine one throwing things and shouting about how I don't know what pain is.

Yeah. Really looking forward to that.

Anyway, I think I need a brand new plan to hold the city for ransom. No flying fortresses, no animal mecha, no tanks, no weather control...it's going to be a blast.

And, on monday, you get to see if it worked.

On Henchmen

Is it too much to ask for my orders to be carried out without a henchman questioning them?

Me: "Start killing hostages."

Henchman: "Uh, what?"

Me: "You see those live hostages?"

Hench: "Yeah boss."

Me: "Kill them until I tell you to stop."

I mean, it's not even really about killing hostages, because starting on the hostages is inevitably what brings the hero out of the woodwork, but really. I'm a bad dude. Is it too hard to simply do what I say?

Well, that plan was a bust because like clockwork ordering my henches to kill hostages caused Quizzer to attack. God, if I'm not being foiled by heroes I'm being foiled by other villains. See: what happened at the end of January.

For those who don't know, I had my most awesome plan ever. I had victory within my grasp and then, completely by accident, Foundress screwed everything up. She's said she's sorry like a million times but sorry doesn't heal genetically altered hornet stings heal.

I might try to salvage my ultimate plan, though. I mean, a giant fire-breathing mechanical lion has got to have more than one use.

Hex and I are off to eat some of the honeycomb that Foundress keeps sending us to make amends. More later.

On Projects

Ever have a big project? The kind of thing you put a whole lot of time and effort into, it's your pride and joy. You've made in from scratch and you're almost done and then you realize you're missing a very important part of it?

That's what I realized while putting the finishing touches on my latest creation. If I turned it on now it would explode and...um...destroy my layer and maybe injure Hex. Me and Deirdre would probably be fine.

I haven't tested it, but pretty sure the little brat's as nigh-invulnerable as her parents. I dropped her by accident once and it didn't really phase her. Oh don't give me that look she's not the first baby in the world someone's accidentally dropped and she won't be the last. And this baby could probably stop a bullet with her forehead.

Not that I've been shooting my daughter, mind you. It'll make me feel better when her aunt's around, though. Although her namesake might be able to cut through the divine protection on her body, I'm not sure. I'm in no hurry to test it.

Okay, so I'm gonna go off and steal something for my new project. Hopefully Quizzer is too busy rubbing salve on hornet stings to give a care.

I'm Pretty Sure the Zoo Hates Quizzer

My reasons? They're bringing in a couple dozen Japanese Hornets as part of an exhibition. That's acid-breathing, finger-sized vespidae. It's like they're hanging a sign: Foundress please steal these and make Quizzer's life miserable.

Speaking of things that will piss off Quizzer, villainy's going good. I'm building something from scratch this time. Should be a good time. For people that aren't him, anyway.

Gonna watch a movie with Hex in the living room. She's promised me it's not a vampire movie. We'll see. I've promised a pony to Deirdre if she can keep quiet during the whole movie, but seeing as she probably didn't understand me, it's probably a lost cause.

Oh, there'll probably be some changes around here in the next few days. Don't be surprised when they happen.

Nothing Really New

Been spending a lot of time hanging around the house with Deirdre and Hex and the rest of P.A.I.N. on occasion. Watched Quizzer trounce Scarab on TiVo a few times. It never gets old.

One super annoying thing, though--the New Vineyard Post has gone as far as to say that Scarab's Quizzer's nemesis, not me.

This calls for some serious villainy. I mean, Hex is around most of the time, maybe she can watch the baby while I do something really noteworthy. Hmmm...

You know, I think I might have something.

Oh, a note on the baby. Her parentage is proving itself a little worrysome. Like, when she cries, it actually vibrates my secret base's hull. As in, I can see ripples in water glasses. I can already tell her toddler years are going to be hectic.

I hope she's alright not being breastfed. I've been trying to go with the best formula and artificial breastmilk I can but I really don't know if she's getting the antibodies she needs. Or if she needs them given one parent is a demigod and the other is half-god. If anyone knows anything that might help I'd love to hear it.

Rut

I really need to get out of my rut. I mean, yeah, I've had a couple successful bank heists, and scrapyard runs, and armored car heists, and Brannigan runs, but still. Is this really all there is? Can't I ever do some serious villainy and actually have a shot at pulling it off without Quizzer or Judy ruining it?

Maybe Hex can help me out with something, get me out of my rut and into some decent villainy. I mean, she's been hanging around anyway, helping with the crying part-god I've adopted. Who is also completely adorable. I just wish it didn't feel like I was taking advantage of her the whole time. Oh well.

I'd attack Brannigan, but it's kind of like kicking a one-legged puppy at this point. Litigation for that whole illegal portal to hell thing's kind of left them broke.

More later if I think of something, as well as what happened with that cruise thing.

Ug

So after my pity fest, I'm finally ready to talk about what happened.

I went there to try to stop him. When "Molten Steel" saw me, though, he threw lava at me and yelled, "You stole my son!" Well, it sounded more like "Yu stho my thon!", as said by a volcano, but you get my drift. And then I kinda took off my helmet and said, "I am your son!"

And things kinda devolved from there. Have you ever seen a mile-tall magma monster have a father-son argument before? Well...yeah, okay, if you were watching the news at the time, yeah, you have. But still.

It was wierd, because I just started venting everything that had ever gone wrong in my life and everything Steel had missed for the first time ever. Things like, "Mom killed herself because of you." And "Where were you when Eliza needed someone to take her to the hospital." And "CJ never would have become a druggie if you had been around once in a while."

And then the bastard had the gall to apologize! He was never sorry before! Damnit!

How am I supposed to hate him now that I know he regrets what he did? The worst part is, right after he apologized, he solidified and all life signs faded, so now it seems that the only reason he came back and destroyed a swath of Illinois was to make his peace with me! So, I mean, I guess I still kinda hate him, since he did nothing to try to make peace with CJ or Eliza, but, still. How are you supposed to feel when someone you hate comes back to life just long enough to say, "Sorry I screwed up" to you?

Ergh! This makes me so mad. I'm gonna go knock over a bank. Probably literally. That might make me feel a little better.

Kids Today

So, I was robbing a bank today, you know, little classic villainy to keep me in practice, and this one little kid actually said, "You'll be sorry when Superman shows up and saves us."

Seriously, is that what society's coming to today? Do our children know fictional heroes better than the real ones? That's depressing. Some days I wonder why the superhero genre is so popular. I mean, we have real, live "heroes" fighting "villains" every day. Maybe they just like to see a world where good and evil can battle and their lives aren't in danger, I don't know.

Anyway, the bank robbery went alright. I managed to escape with most of the money before Quizzer showed up. And before I get hate mail for stealing this money, let me remind you that banks are federally insured for this sort of occasion.

In other news, I think the reason Mechanor's sending me so much food is that he wants to ask if he can set up base in New Vineyard. I'm not sure why he just doesn't ask, but, then again, I can't really know the mind of a robot from the future.

Partial Success

Mixed success on my attempt at villainy. My plan being go down in my sub and threaten the city with my seismic bracers until I got more precious metals. See, my bracers, in addition to shockwaves, can make earthquakes. Underwater earthquakes lead to tidal waves. Also, as he has asked before for my sub rather than chase the Siluriformes himself, I had reason to believe underwater travel was difficult for Quizzer.

Difficult, but not impossible. The resulting battle left Quizzer half drowned and with a dislocated shoulder and a few broken ribs. But I was left with a thrashed sub and no metals to show for it. But at least the Blue Q is in poor condition. Maybe I should do some other scheme while he's injured. Y'know, press my advantage.

Gonna go watch "The Dark Knight", more on potential villainy afterward if I get inspired.

Villain's Block

I have no idea what to do for my villainy.

Seriously, I even tried going over those plans a stole a while back again. They're worthless. Gah, this is so frustrating. Maybe I'll go through my stash of gadgets and see if I have anything useful.

Oh, and by the way, Captain Visigoth and Dina Might are registered at Wal-Mart and a few various Army Surplus stores, including one right here in New Vineyard. Y'know, on the off chance any of the five people reading this wanted to buy two thugs a wedding gift.

An Eventful Few Days

Okay, okay, I know it's been a while since I've last posted. I have good reasons for it, though.

First of all, the date with Judy went great, and, as it turns out, she left for the mainland this morning to talk with the home office of Brannigan about her internship--it seems they're really excited about her projects with artificial gravity manipulation, and are thinking about giving her a giant grant for her work. She's going to be there a good week. Perfect.

I got to know Judy a bit more on Monday. First of all, she's smart. Really, really, genius-level, rivals-the-old-doctor-level smart. It's so sexy. Her theories with gravitational compression fields are the cleanest I've seen, ever. As in, unlike every thoery that came before them, I think hers will work without grievous injury and/or death to the user and everyone in a two-mile radius.

When not at work, she seems to dress a little punk, a little gothy, and mostly eclectic. Her clothing style seems like (and I'm pretty sure this is the case, given her sleepless schedule) she has a big bin of things she likes and picks them out at random until she has a whole outfit. When I told her this, she just smiled and said, "Function before form."

Anyway, the date itself. We went out to the park out on American Steel Memorial Pier, rode the Ferris wheel, ate some cotton candy, and just pretty much had a nice, quiet, relaxing evening together in which we made out like mad whenever we were the least bit alone. Yeah, two dates (as I count the night at the diner as date one) and we're already "that" couple.

It wasn't all bright and happy, though. On the second trip up the Ferris Wheel, Judy swiped my glasses while we were making out. One of my powers isn't "super fast-thinking", so rather than keep my eyes shut, I opened them and reached for my glasses and, well, the damage was already done by then.

Much to my suprise, her response wasn't, "Eeeek!", but rather, "Cool! How do you get them to glow like that? New contacts?"

I stared at her in disbelief before I replied with, "It was an...industrial accident, when I was a teen."

She didn't buy it, but let it slide. "Cool. You look like a super villain or something."

I tried to laugh nonchalantly and snatched back my glasses. "I'd cover them with contacts, but they just shine through. These glasses are especially made to absorb that wavelength of red."

"What about contacts made of that stuff?" She responded. I shook my head.

"Makes my eyes pitch black."

She looked thoughtful. "You know, with those eyes you look almost like Bulldozer. Only more handsome."

I nearly twitched when she meantioned Bulldozer. In case you haven't figured it out, that was my identity when I worked for the old boss. I know, not obvious at all, right? Not sure whether I felt insulted or flattered, I laughed, hugged her, and did my best to distract her.

So, after the date I came back, and I'd been working non-stop until, oh, about an hour ago. About then, all my hard work and my little Brannigan rampage paid off.

As I'm typing this, I'm in my new device, and, just as I'm typing, I'm switching it on.

New Vineyard Weather Forecast--one hundred percent chance of Cataclysm.