I Hate My Friends

Okay, to give you guys some reference, I just got in.

From when I went out Friday night.

I knew it was gonna be trouble the whole time, too. You see, Captain Visigoth knocked. Read your history books--Visigoths were not known for their courtesy. Y'see, the big lug came to have a drink with his old buddy. He also came to ask a favor.

Mechanor, I have no idea why that guy was here. Or why CV decided he should go drinking with us, since he's a robot...thing, and doesn't drink. But the tuna casserole he brought, that was just wierd, man. The minute he...er, it, I guess, is more accurate. Anyway, the minute it came through the door, it handed me this glass dish full of tuna, cheese, and noodles, and said, "Mechanor has made you a casserole. It is very nutricious and should stimulate your oral taste receptors well. Mechanor does not need the pan back. Silicon is common and easily replaceable." It's a pretty good caserole, though. I'm eating it now. Needs some pepper, though. Knowing him, spices are probably frivolous. Like personal pronouns, apparently.

I know CV because, after he was freed from that Roman temple he was trapped in back in the 80's, he did odd jobs for supervillains for a while, before he broke out into fame of his own in the late 90's. One of those villains was the old boss. We used to go drinking and pillaging right before a big rampage, to get ourselves pumped. That was back in the Bulldozer days, of course.

Anyway, CV (Captain Visigoth, by the way, is his legal name) started talking about the good old days, and how he missed just kicking back and tearing down a city block or two. I didn't have anything else to do, so I decided to go, but I was a bit wary. CV was acting waaaay too considerate for me to trust him. The guy once headbutted an elderly security guard. Not because he was a threat, but because CV thought it would be funny.

So we went out drinking while Mechanor tried to analyze everything we did, and we were chilling in a bar, scaring the patrons, waiting for the cops to try to throw us out, when CV asked me if I wanted to be his best man in August. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend but apparently, he and Dina Might are getting hitched. They met at...some place. I don't remember. I had a couple bottles of Jack in me at the time. But apparently they've been dating for a couple years now.

CV's a really, really bad poker player, so I could tell he wasn't telling me something, but then the cops came and we had a big barfight. And, right in the middle of the bedlam Captain V asked me the second, and main part of his favor.

He wants to hold it here. In New Vineyard--he thinks the pier would be a great place to have it, and no other island's villain will let him within five hundred miles of their cities. A supervillain wedding. Not only that, but a wedding between two of the most needlessly destructive supervillains this planet's seen. Trashing up my city. Which, as I've said before, is my job.

Before I could answer, he threw a cop through the wall, told me to think about it, and then suggested we all go to a strip club. I tried my damndest to not go with him, since I hate how CV gets around women, but, an hour later, there we were.

It didn't really take long for CV to start getting rough with the girls, which I don't really approve of, so I got rough with him, told him to back off, and then, well, we got in a little fight.

And by a little fight, I mean we burned down most of the dock area beating the crap out of each other while Mechanor stayed at the strip joint, and, for some unearthly reason, tried to pole dance. I think he was trying to understand why it was so enthralling. Sometimes I wonder how this guy was able to invade the whole world.

Now, here's where my memory gets a little fuzzy, because I think that I agreed to both be his best man and let him have his wedding here if he both let me bring a date and got the hell out of town until then. He agreed, but before he could leave, Quizzer showed up, and we fought, and I used the time Quizzer was spending to beat up my friends to go hide out at Judy's.

I slept most of the day, and then Judy took me out to get some water and food in me, we fooled around a bit, and then I came back here and decided to condense everything that's happened on this blog.

I have a feeling I'm going to regret that promise. Oh well, time for sleep.