I
>>Hi, it looks like you're trying to write a blog post.
I hate Mechanor
>>It looks like you tried to write "I hate Mechanor". As Mechanor is benevolent and wise, this has been auto-corrected to "I love wise lord Mechanor, king of flesh and machine, long may he reign. It looks like you're trying to shoot your compu
Yes. Hate Mechanor.
Oh yeah, also, I'm back.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Greetings
Hello living fools, I am Wailing Kate, once a beautiful actress, now a cursed spirit doomed to wander this mortal land. My goal is to take all that is mine by right--all things of theater should belong to me, as the greatest actress in the world!
Doctor Cataclysm is a good and fair villain, allowing me to broadcast myself thus to all who would read my beauteous words. At times, however, I do regret that he is the master villain of this town, as I would so enjoy the level of strife he affords to Quizzer once in a while, but alas, every actress has her place.
Alas, I would have more to regale you with, but once again I must comfort my ally Sanguinous, as once more the vile hero Quizzer has insisted on not laying with him and has instead beaten the vampire to a pulp and stopped the his insidious plan to slay Quizzer's consort, Miss Atom. I foresee blood-flavored sno cones and telling him he is pretty as he sobs into my thankfully incorporeal bosom.
Yours,
Wailing Kate
Doctor Cataclysm is a good and fair villain, allowing me to broadcast myself thus to all who would read my beauteous words. At times, however, I do regret that he is the master villain of this town, as I would so enjoy the level of strife he affords to Quizzer once in a while, but alas, every actress has her place.
Alas, I would have more to regale you with, but once again I must comfort my ally Sanguinous, as once more the vile hero Quizzer has insisted on not laying with him and has instead beaten the vampire to a pulp and stopped the his insidious plan to slay Quizzer's consort, Miss Atom. I foresee blood-flavored sno cones and telling him he is pretty as he sobs into my thankfully incorporeal bosom.
Yours,
Wailing Kate
Friday, October 15, 2010
Um, Hi
Hi, I'm Hex. Um.
Not really sure what to write. Silas just says whatever and Lock and Load just yell increasingly vulgar things. Well, they type them, but they're using capital letters and three exclamation points per sentence, so they're probably yelling.
Anyway, I'm Hex. I used to be a minion of Warlock, but he died and I took over. People thought I was going to call myself warlock or witch or bruja but I didn't really want to change my name--I was already going by Hex. Plus I always thought the name "Warlock" was a bit too unimaginative, no offense to the dead boss. And "Bruja" only sounds exotic if Spanish isn't your first language.
I'm rambling now, I can just tell. Sorry, I'm not as good at this as Silas is.
He's a great guy, by the way. I'm really glad I met him. Even if Deidre is a handful sometimes.
Now I'm gushing about my boyfriend. Anyway, more about me. I like Twilight, but only because it's so dark and twisted. I basically read the worst possible intentions into every character as I read the book. It's an great way to read it. For a super villain, anyway.
I did some independent villainy lately, that was fun. Made all of the statues in town come alive and wreak havoc. You know, for the hell of it. My favorite part was when Quizzer had to fight that giant American Steel statue. Silas said it was the best birthday present he ever got.
It's actually pretty fun, going up against a hero in the same range for once. Sometimes I think Scarlet Sorceress sometimes let my plans be as successful as they were out of pity. I mean, I'm a pretty strong witch, don't get me wrong, but I'm nowhere near her league. But no one really is, except for Rakshasa--that's kinda the point, after all.
P.A.I.N. is going well! I mean, we don't do all that much together, but sometimes it's cool to have a friend along for the ride on a scheme, you know?
Ergh, rambling again. Anyway, this has been my guest post, hope it wasn't too annoying. I think Wailing Kate is going to do hers next. She seems pretty excited about it.
-- Crista, aka Hex
Not really sure what to write. Silas just says whatever and Lock and Load just yell increasingly vulgar things. Well, they type them, but they're using capital letters and three exclamation points per sentence, so they're probably yelling.
Anyway, I'm Hex. I used to be a minion of Warlock, but he died and I took over. People thought I was going to call myself warlock or witch or bruja but I didn't really want to change my name--I was already going by Hex. Plus I always thought the name "Warlock" was a bit too unimaginative, no offense to the dead boss. And "Bruja" only sounds exotic if Spanish isn't your first language.
I'm rambling now, I can just tell. Sorry, I'm not as good at this as Silas is.
He's a great guy, by the way. I'm really glad I met him. Even if Deidre is a handful sometimes.
Now I'm gushing about my boyfriend. Anyway, more about me. I like Twilight, but only because it's so dark and twisted. I basically read the worst possible intentions into every character as I read the book. It's an great way to read it. For a super villain, anyway.
I did some independent villainy lately, that was fun. Made all of the statues in town come alive and wreak havoc. You know, for the hell of it. My favorite part was when Quizzer had to fight that giant American Steel statue. Silas said it was the best birthday present he ever got.
It's actually pretty fun, going up against a hero in the same range for once. Sometimes I think Scarlet Sorceress sometimes let my plans be as successful as they were out of pity. I mean, I'm a pretty strong witch, don't get me wrong, but I'm nowhere near her league. But no one really is, except for Rakshasa--that's kinda the point, after all.
P.A.I.N. is going well! I mean, we don't do all that much together, but sometimes it's cool to have a friend along for the ride on a scheme, you know?
Ergh, rambling again. Anyway, this has been my guest post, hope it wasn't too annoying. I think Wailing Kate is going to do hers next. She seems pretty excited about it.
-- Crista, aka Hex
Friday, October 8, 2010
ATTENTION
attention cockfags
Cockfags. Seriously?
my heart wasnt in that one
Obviously. I love being the smart one. Anyway, this is Load.
it was in your mom
We're twins you fat bitch. Anyway, starting on Halloween, Silas has promised he's going to start posting in this stupid thing on a regular basis again. He's said 2-3 times a week, but we all know how likely that is.
hey load
What is it now?
remember when those college girls were all talking about reclaiming the word cunt and then we asked if they thought vagina was offensive and then when they said no we called them penis sheathes because thats what it means in the original latin
Yeah, that was hilarious.
hey load
If you call me a penis sheath I am going to strangle you with your fallopian tubes.
youre a penis sheath
God damnit Lock I should've absorbed you in the womb. Anyway, until then, Dr. C's going to have a bunch of guest posts, like stuff from his fly honey Hex, three time villain bake-off championship winner Mechanor, and that drama queen that started raising shit in town a few months back.
i absorbed your mom in the womb
I hate you so god damn much. Anyway, stay tuned because you won't want to miss this thing updating regularly for like a week then nothing for months.
-- Loda "Load" and Loquai "Lock" Hunter
Cockfags. Seriously?
my heart wasnt in that one
Obviously. I love being the smart one. Anyway, this is Load.
it was in your mom
We're twins you fat bitch. Anyway, starting on Halloween, Silas has promised he's going to start posting in this stupid thing on a regular basis again. He's said 2-3 times a week, but we all know how likely that is.
hey load
What is it now?
remember when those college girls were all talking about reclaiming the word cunt and then we asked if they thought vagina was offensive and then when they said no we called them penis sheathes because thats what it means in the original latin
Yeah, that was hilarious.
hey load
If you call me a penis sheath I am going to strangle you with your fallopian tubes.
youre a penis sheath
God damnit Lock I should've absorbed you in the womb. Anyway, until then, Dr. C's going to have a bunch of guest posts, like stuff from his fly honey Hex, three time villain bake-off championship winner Mechanor, and that drama queen that started raising shit in town a few months back.
i absorbed your mom in the womb
I hate you so god damn much. Anyway, stay tuned because you won't want to miss this thing updating regularly for like a week then nothing for months.
-- Loda "Load" and Loquai "Lock" Hunter
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
ATTENTION DOCTOR NOFUN
WE HAVE KIDNAPPED YOUR ADORABLE BABY. TO GET HER BACK YIOU HAVE TO GET OFF YOUR ASS AND DO SOMETHING GODDAMNIT.
SINCERELY,
THE FINEST ASS BITCHES YOU KNOW
SINCERELY,
THE FINEST ASS BITCHES YOU KNOW
Friday, April 30, 2010
Young Whippersnappers
The Candleflames are burning down downtown again. Guess Quizzer's raid's about to be interrupted.
Ah to be young, with nothing but a plasma rifle and a dream to burn the city to ashes. I remember when I was that naive. I grew up, though, and came to realize that just a plasma rifle's not enough.
Some days, I think about recruiting the Candleflames as henchmen but, really, I don't want to deal with teenagers more than I have to. It's going to be bad enough in twelve-thirteen years when I have a partly divine one throwing things and shouting about how I don't know what pain is.
Yeah. Really looking forward to that.
Anyway, I think I need a brand new plan to hold the city for ransom. No flying fortresses, no animal mecha, no tanks, no weather control...it's going to be a blast.
And, on monday, you get to see if it worked.
Ah to be young, with nothing but a plasma rifle and a dream to burn the city to ashes. I remember when I was that naive. I grew up, though, and came to realize that just a plasma rifle's not enough.
Some days, I think about recruiting the Candleflames as henchmen but, really, I don't want to deal with teenagers more than I have to. It's going to be bad enough in twelve-thirteen years when I have a partly divine one throwing things and shouting about how I don't know what pain is.
Yeah. Really looking forward to that.
Anyway, I think I need a brand new plan to hold the city for ransom. No flying fortresses, no animal mecha, no tanks, no weather control...it's going to be a blast.
And, on monday, you get to see if it worked.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Thursday is the New Wednesday
Okay okay okay, I'm a bit late. But hey, it's probably still wednesday somewhere. This would be a lot easier if I lived on Venus.
Anyway, not much going on Siluriformes attacked the city again, Quizzer held them off, Sinapse tried to make a deal with them and help them, blah blah blah good guy won, loser and fish-losers lost.
I got a phone call from Captain Visigoth. Sounded like he was in a Mexican bar. Never once asked about "his" kid. Good. She's my daughter now.
I guess this is what Mechanor was talking about last year. Deirdre becoming my daughter. I hope it wasn't talking about what Judy said.
You know, back in December when I was emo and Lock and Load took over the blog. Judy wanted to talk to me about something? Well...she wanted me back. She also said she was pregnant, which I called BS on. I mean, we hadn't slept together since before she was put into the coma. Unless she had the gestation period of an elephant, it couldn't have been mine, and, plus, she didn't look pregnant.
I mean, she would have had to have taken a sample while I was sleeping or cloned a kid by mixing my DNA with hers, but she would...
...oh wait, she's a super villain.
Fuck.
Anyway, not much going on Siluriformes attacked the city again, Quizzer held them off, Sinapse tried to make a deal with them and help them, blah blah blah good guy won, loser and fish-losers lost.
I got a phone call from Captain Visigoth. Sounded like he was in a Mexican bar. Never once asked about "his" kid. Good. She's my daughter now.
I guess this is what Mechanor was talking about last year. Deirdre becoming my daughter. I hope it wasn't talking about what Judy said.
You know, back in December when I was emo and Lock and Load took over the blog. Judy wanted to talk to me about something? Well...she wanted me back. She also said she was pregnant, which I called BS on. I mean, we hadn't slept together since before she was put into the coma. Unless she had the gestation period of an elephant, it couldn't have been mine, and, plus, she didn't look pregnant.
I mean, she would have had to have taken a sample while I was sleeping or cloned a kid by mixing my DNA with hers, but she would...
...oh wait, she's a super villain.
Fuck.
Monday, April 26, 2010
On Recent Schemes
None of them seem to be working out too well. Maybe I should make some robot clones.
Maybe I need a vacation. Get some time to really get in touch with the inner badguy in me.
Oh well. Gonna grab the tank and the lava gun and cause some havoc. That might get my spirits back up.
Maybe I need a vacation. Get some time to really get in touch with the inner badguy in me.
Oh well. Gonna grab the tank and the lava gun and cause some havoc. That might get my spirits back up.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Things I Hate, Volume Whatever
First things first--I need to write this more and you, my adoring fans, need me to write this more. So starting, um, today, I guess, I'm going to try to update at least three times a week--at least once on Monday, once Wednesday, and once on Friday. Hopefully, I'll post more often than this.
I bet this lasts one whole week before I get distracted by something shiny.
Anyway, things I hate, in no particular order.
One, while I love Hex a lot, I hate that now I know so much more about Twilight than I ever wanted to know. God damnit Hex.
Two, I love Deirdre so much I've nearly forgiven Dina and Visigoth for abandoning her for me to raise. However, I hate how she just seems to know whenever I'm busy, or just sitting down to sleep, or about to have sex with my girlfriend, and decides right then that she's going to scream and wail about something. And she's part demigod and part frost giant, so she's got...volume.
Three, I hate it when my brother comes by asking for money, like he did last week. Come on, CJ. You have a steady job as a super-soldier for hire with no morals, you don't need my money. I have death machines to make. If only he was addicted to the cheap drugs and not super soldier serum.
Four, I hate "Lord" Grim.
Five, I really hate "Lord" Grim because apparently Op Mayhem is actually considering him for membership. I hope it's just a smokescreen for Viridian Fang to eat the racist homophobe. Not that I want in Op Mayhem anyway, but it's the principle of the matter.
Six, I hate Sinapse. Because he's so smug. He still calls himself Quizzer's arch nemesis! Can you believe it? yeah, sure, he may have been his nemesis when they were both in college, but it's the big leagues now, and he just doesn't measure up. I just wish he'd stop trying to muscle me out of my rightful place.
Seven, I hate henchmen. I thought I'd try them out because I had some extra space and a couple extra guys working for me could seriously improve my success ratio. Nope. They bumble even more than I used to! And the worst part is, I can't fire them. Stupid unionized henchmen. Seriously, I fire these guys, then they show up outside my base tomorrow with a handful of doomsday weapons and demand severance pay. I might have to kill them. But I really don't want to do that--they are performing a service, even if they are terrible at it. Maybe I should try to get Eliza to come over for a few days, thin their numbers a bit.
I mean, the big shots don't have this problem. Lady Anaconda's henchmen are all in families of servants that have been the loyal retainers of her family for generations. Tallow just makes minions out of that wax she's made out of. Viridian Fang commands predatory animals and stuff--predatory animals don't tend to unionize. Except for Manwolf. And Death's Head just uses his psychic powers to mental dominate whoever he wants to work for him. Devias used to own a country, so he got his henchmen there. The old Doc managed to have a small group of (now dead), dedicated henchmen. Maybe I need to make some robot henchmen. Use tech I "borrowed" from Lock, Load, and Mechanor.
Eight, I hate when Quizzer's girlfriend comes to town. How did a nerd--albeit an unusually fit, handsome nerd-- like him get to marry Miss Atom, the all-american heroine? He's bad enough--she's on a pretty high power level herself.
Oh well. At least he's not dating the Scarlet Sorceress, or Union Jack.
I bet this lasts one whole week before I get distracted by something shiny.
Anyway, things I hate, in no particular order.
One, while I love Hex a lot, I hate that now I know so much more about Twilight than I ever wanted to know. God damnit Hex.
Two, I love Deirdre so much I've nearly forgiven Dina and Visigoth for abandoning her for me to raise. However, I hate how she just seems to know whenever I'm busy, or just sitting down to sleep, or about to have sex with my girlfriend, and decides right then that she's going to scream and wail about something. And she's part demigod and part frost giant, so she's got...volume.
Three, I hate it when my brother comes by asking for money, like he did last week. Come on, CJ. You have a steady job as a super-soldier for hire with no morals, you don't need my money. I have death machines to make. If only he was addicted to the cheap drugs and not super soldier serum.
Four, I hate "Lord" Grim.
Five, I really hate "Lord" Grim because apparently Op Mayhem is actually considering him for membership. I hope it's just a smokescreen for Viridian Fang to eat the racist homophobe. Not that I want in Op Mayhem anyway, but it's the principle of the matter.
Six, I hate Sinapse. Because he's so smug. He still calls himself Quizzer's arch nemesis! Can you believe it? yeah, sure, he may have been his nemesis when they were both in college, but it's the big leagues now, and he just doesn't measure up. I just wish he'd stop trying to muscle me out of my rightful place.
Seven, I hate henchmen. I thought I'd try them out because I had some extra space and a couple extra guys working for me could seriously improve my success ratio. Nope. They bumble even more than I used to! And the worst part is, I can't fire them. Stupid unionized henchmen. Seriously, I fire these guys, then they show up outside my base tomorrow with a handful of doomsday weapons and demand severance pay. I might have to kill them. But I really don't want to do that--they are performing a service, even if they are terrible at it. Maybe I should try to get Eliza to come over for a few days, thin their numbers a bit.
I mean, the big shots don't have this problem. Lady Anaconda's henchmen are all in families of servants that have been the loyal retainers of her family for generations. Tallow just makes minions out of that wax she's made out of. Viridian Fang commands predatory animals and stuff--predatory animals don't tend to unionize. Except for Manwolf. And Death's Head just uses his psychic powers to mental dominate whoever he wants to work for him. Devias used to own a country, so he got his henchmen there. The old Doc managed to have a small group of (now dead), dedicated henchmen. Maybe I need to make some robot henchmen. Use tech I "borrowed" from Lock, Load, and Mechanor.
Eight, I hate when Quizzer's girlfriend comes to town. How did a nerd--albeit an unusually fit, handsome nerd-- like him get to marry Miss Atom, the all-american heroine? He's bad enough--she's on a pretty high power level herself.
Oh well. At least he's not dating the Scarlet Sorceress, or Union Jack.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Another Day, Another WMD
I have created the Lava Gun! It's pretty inspired, if I do say so myself. Basically, point it at the ground and a big gout of lava will shoot out of it. Or is it magma then? I can never remember which is which.
Anyway, things have been pretty good. Hex continues to be my awesome girlfriend. Deirdre continues to eat me out of house and home. When did baby things get so expensive, anyway? Oh well, not like I'm paying for them.
Quizzer continues to foil both my evil plans and the plans of his Rogue's Gallery. Or is that Rogues Gallery? Or Rogues' Gallery? English is so confusing sometimes.
Oh well! I'm a super villain and if I know the internet, then a single grammatical error will cause much more strife than looking it up and writing it correctly.
Anyway, things are going mostly well. Except for Sinapse (you won't believe the emails I got when I misspelled this guy's misspelled name. Oh the Irony). Who keeps insisting he is, in fact, Quizzer's arch nemesis. Did the Extradimensional Bastard kidnap him and Quizzer to decide the ultimate superiority of good/evil? No, that was me.
Something tells me I'm gonna need to put this guy in his place. Maybe I should make some kind of anti-telepathy helmet. Or maybe a collar or headband or something. I don't want to directly rip off Magneto. Besides, following plans taken from comic books almost never works.
Anyway, things have been pretty good. Hex continues to be my awesome girlfriend. Deirdre continues to eat me out of house and home. When did baby things get so expensive, anyway? Oh well, not like I'm paying for them.
Quizzer continues to foil both my evil plans and the plans of his Rogue's Gallery. Or is that Rogues Gallery? Or Rogues' Gallery? English is so confusing sometimes.
Oh well! I'm a super villain and if I know the internet, then a single grammatical error will cause much more strife than looking it up and writing it correctly.
Anyway, things are going mostly well. Except for Sinapse (you won't believe the emails I got when I misspelled this guy's misspelled name. Oh the Irony). Who keeps insisting he is, in fact, Quizzer's arch nemesis. Did the Extradimensional Bastard kidnap him and Quizzer to decide the ultimate superiority of good/evil? No, that was me.
Something tells me I'm gonna need to put this guy in his place. Maybe I should make some kind of anti-telepathy helmet. Or maybe a collar or headband or something. I don't want to directly rip off Magneto. Besides, following plans taken from comic books almost never works.
Friday, February 26, 2010
On Fellow Villains
So, Foundress isn't really all that bad, now that we've finally met. She's one of those "change/rule the world" types, so she's prone to periodic ranting. I can't help but think someday she'll be in Operation Mayhem because of it. They tend to like people with grand plans. And people who are very good at causing damage.
Of course, those two lines intersect at Lady Anaconda for a reason.
I'm less sure about the vampire and the ghost. Sanguinous and Wailing Kate, to be exact. They're both really, really theatrical. It's like Sanguinous watched every Anne Rice vampire movie and read every book to learn how to be a vampire. Oh well, at least he doesn't sparkle.
Wailing Kate, on the other hand, as I understand it, used to be an actress. It shows. For one, she's a theme villain. She does theater-based crimes. You know, I wouldn't have realized there were so many priceless play and movie-based items stored in New Vineyard without Wailing Kate's antics. She says she's a ghost but I'm not sure. Especially since she picked her name from local folklore and looks nothing like pictures of the 1940s actress she's supposed to be.
Why do we have, in a brand new city, a theater supposedly haunted by a 1940s actress? The whole theater was taken from Old Vineyard and transplanted by truck and boat.
Anyway, there's another guy called Synapse in town too. Not sure what his deal is, he hasn't been around long. Just robbed a bank last week. Seems to have telepathy or something. He has this full body suit thing, covers his face, eyes, hands, everything.
Hm. Capewiki says someone by that name used to be Quizzer's nemesis way back when. Hmph. Hope he realizes nerdboy has a new main villain.
Oh, and Hex would like to go on the record and say she isn't my sidekick, that she's just trying to get her foot in the door in New Vineyard. And apparently that involves being my sidekick.
Well. That comment's going to have me sleeping in the guest room. It was worth it, though. Deirdre's making sure I know she still exists, so I should check what's wrong. More, later.
Of course, those two lines intersect at Lady Anaconda for a reason.
I'm less sure about the vampire and the ghost. Sanguinous and Wailing Kate, to be exact. They're both really, really theatrical. It's like Sanguinous watched every Anne Rice vampire movie and read every book to learn how to be a vampire. Oh well, at least he doesn't sparkle.
Wailing Kate, on the other hand, as I understand it, used to be an actress. It shows. For one, she's a theme villain. She does theater-based crimes. You know, I wouldn't have realized there were so many priceless play and movie-based items stored in New Vineyard without Wailing Kate's antics. She says she's a ghost but I'm not sure. Especially since she picked her name from local folklore and looks nothing like pictures of the 1940s actress she's supposed to be.
Why do we have, in a brand new city, a theater supposedly haunted by a 1940s actress? The whole theater was taken from Old Vineyard and transplanted by truck and boat.
Anyway, there's another guy called Synapse in town too. Not sure what his deal is, he hasn't been around long. Just robbed a bank last week. Seems to have telepathy or something. He has this full body suit thing, covers his face, eyes, hands, everything.
Hm. Capewiki says someone by that name used to be Quizzer's nemesis way back when. Hmph. Hope he realizes nerdboy has a new main villain.
Oh, and Hex would like to go on the record and say she isn't my sidekick, that she's just trying to get her foot in the door in New Vineyard. And apparently that involves being my sidekick.
Well. That comment's going to have me sleeping in the guest room. It was worth it, though. Deirdre's making sure I know she still exists, so I should check what's wrong. More, later.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Oh, Hello
I really feel super bad about ruining Doctor Cataclysm's big plan. He's making me do this post as part of my way for making up for it.
I'm Vanessa Espa, also known as the Foundress. And I really am sorry. I had no idea that the vent intakes would be the perfect nesting spot for my genetically altered super paper wasps, and that they would then flood the entire lion mecha with my lovely, acid-spitting children who can sting through duranium. And I seriously didn't intend for all of them to get loose. Yet.
I'd never do something like that on purpose. I have nothing but respect for the good Doctor and what he's trying to do. While his anarchic antics tear society down I can work on replacing it with the perfect, orderly society we should have. You know, like apocrita have. Nothing so base as a honey bee or ant, though. Humanity is the top of the chain--we're marauders and conquerers an order of magnitude above the base ant. Like my babies. And me. If humanity proves itself worthy, I may even give it the blessing I have, accidentally, received.
Some people will tell you that accidentally making myself part-yellow jacket is what's responsible for making me "crazy", but, really, it only added to my clarity. I thought much the same way when I was only a human. Now that I'm a higher order of creature, I can think in ways so much more clearly than an ape can.
Oh, wait. I'm getting sidetracked by a rant. Sorry, that happens sometimes.
Next time, I will try to be more careful when I splice super soldier serum and vespa mandarinia japonica genes with more common, American species. Though even Doctor Cataclysm and his ladyfriend sidekick had to admit that my babies were very impressive.
Well, now I must enter into part two of making it up to Doctor Cataclysm: buying/stealing him and Hex dinner somewhere. I do hope this has explained that I did not mean to ruin his plan so.
--The Foundress
I'm Vanessa Espa, also known as the Foundress. And I really am sorry. I had no idea that the vent intakes would be the perfect nesting spot for my genetically altered super paper wasps, and that they would then flood the entire lion mecha with my lovely, acid-spitting children who can sting through duranium. And I seriously didn't intend for all of them to get loose. Yet.
I'd never do something like that on purpose. I have nothing but respect for the good Doctor and what he's trying to do. While his anarchic antics tear society down I can work on replacing it with the perfect, orderly society we should have. You know, like apocrita have. Nothing so base as a honey bee or ant, though. Humanity is the top of the chain--we're marauders and conquerers an order of magnitude above the base ant. Like my babies. And me. If humanity proves itself worthy, I may even give it the blessing I have, accidentally, received.
Some people will tell you that accidentally making myself part-yellow jacket is what's responsible for making me "crazy", but, really, it only added to my clarity. I thought much the same way when I was only a human. Now that I'm a higher order of creature, I can think in ways so much more clearly than an ape can.
Oh, wait. I'm getting sidetracked by a rant. Sorry, that happens sometimes.
Next time, I will try to be more careful when I splice super soldier serum and vespa mandarinia japonica genes with more common, American species. Though even Doctor Cataclysm and his ladyfriend sidekick had to admit that my babies were very impressive.
Well, now I must enter into part two of making it up to Doctor Cataclysm: buying/stealing him and Hex dinner somewhere. I do hope this has explained that I did not mean to ruin his plan so.
--The Foundress
Sunday, February 21, 2010
On Henchmen
Is it too much to ask for my orders to be carried out without a henchman questioning them?
Me: "Start killing hostages."
Henchman: "Uh, what?"
Me: "You see those live hostages?"
Hench: "Yeah boss."
Me: "Kill them until I tell you to stop."
I mean, it's not even really about killing hostages, because starting on the hostages is inevitably what brings the hero out of the woodwork, but really. I'm a bad dude. Is it too hard to simply do what I say?
Well, that plan was a bust because like clockwork ordering my henches to kill hostages caused Quizzer to attack. God, if I'm not being foiled by heroes I'm being foiled by other villains. See: what happened at the end of January.
For those who don't know, I had my most awesome plan ever. I had victory within my grasp and then, completely by accident, Foundress screwed everything up. She's said she's sorry like a million times but sorry doesn't heal genetically altered hornet stings heal.
I might try to salvage my ultimate plan, though. I mean, a giant fire-breathing mechanical lion has got to have more than one use.
Hex and I are off to eat some of the honeycomb that Foundress keeps sending us to make amends. More later.
Me: "Start killing hostages."
Henchman: "Uh, what?"
Me: "You see those live hostages?"
Hench: "Yeah boss."
Me: "Kill them until I tell you to stop."
I mean, it's not even really about killing hostages, because starting on the hostages is inevitably what brings the hero out of the woodwork, but really. I'm a bad dude. Is it too hard to simply do what I say?
Well, that plan was a bust because like clockwork ordering my henches to kill hostages caused Quizzer to attack. God, if I'm not being foiled by heroes I'm being foiled by other villains. See: what happened at the end of January.
For those who don't know, I had my most awesome plan ever. I had victory within my grasp and then, completely by accident, Foundress screwed everything up. She's said she's sorry like a million times but sorry doesn't heal genetically altered hornet stings heal.
I might try to salvage my ultimate plan, though. I mean, a giant fire-breathing mechanical lion has got to have more than one use.
Hex and I are off to eat some of the honeycomb that Foundress keeps sending us to make amends. More later.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
On Projects
Ever have a big project? The kind of thing you put a whole lot of time and effort into, it's your pride and joy. You've made in from scratch and you're almost done and then you realize you're missing a very important part of it?
That's what I realized while putting the finishing touches on my latest creation. If I turned it on now it would explode and...um...destroy my layer and maybe injure Hex. Me and Deirdre would probably be fine.
I haven't tested it, but pretty sure the little brat's as nigh-invulnerable as her parents. I dropped her by accident once and it didn't really phase her. Oh don't give me that look she's not the first baby in the world someone's accidentally dropped and she won't be the last. And this baby could probably stop a bullet with her forehead.
Not that I've been shooting my daughter, mind you. It'll make me feel better when her aunt's around, though. Although her namesake might be able to cut through the divine protection on her body, I'm not sure. I'm in no hurry to test it.
Okay, so I'm gonna go off and steal something for my new project. Hopefully Quizzer is too busy rubbing salve on hornet stings to give a care.
That's what I realized while putting the finishing touches on my latest creation. If I turned it on now it would explode and...um...destroy my layer and maybe injure Hex. Me and Deirdre would probably be fine.
I haven't tested it, but pretty sure the little brat's as nigh-invulnerable as her parents. I dropped her by accident once and it didn't really phase her. Oh don't give me that look she's not the first baby in the world someone's accidentally dropped and she won't be the last. And this baby could probably stop a bullet with her forehead.
Not that I've been shooting my daughter, mind you. It'll make me feel better when her aunt's around, though. Although her namesake might be able to cut through the divine protection on her body, I'm not sure. I'm in no hurry to test it.
Okay, so I'm gonna go off and steal something for my new project. Hopefully Quizzer is too busy rubbing salve on hornet stings to give a care.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
On Crying
When she's older, and asks for a pony, I am going to tell Deirdre no.
When she asks why, I will respond, "Because you destroyed Daddy's goddamn love life."
Yes, I'll swear at her. I'm a villain--like I care if she cusses. Not like she's not going to be home schooled or anything. Can't really send someone with her likely power to a public school. Or even a private one, unless there's some bizarre private school for the children of super villains.
...maybe I shoult start that.
When she asks why, I will respond, "Because you destroyed Daddy's goddamn love life."
Yes, I'll swear at her. I'm a villain--like I care if she cusses. Not like she's not going to be home schooled or anything. Can't really send someone with her likely power to a public school. Or even a private one, unless there's some bizarre private school for the children of super villains.
...maybe I shoult start that.
Monday, January 18, 2010
I'm Pretty Sure the Zoo Hates Quizzer
My reasons? They're bringing in a couple dozen Japanese Hornets as part of an exhibition. That's acid-breathing, finger-sized vespidae. It's like they're hanging a sign: Foundress please steal these and make Quizzer's life miserable.
Speaking of things that will piss off Quizzer, villainy's going good. I'm building something from scratch this time. Should be a good time. For people that aren't him, anyway.
Gonna watch a movie with Hex in the living room. She's promised me it's not a vampire movie. We'll see. I've promised a pony to Deirdre if she can keep quiet during the whole movie, but seeing as she probably didn't understand me, it's probably a lost cause.
Oh, there'll probably be some changes around here in the next few days. Don't be surprised when they happen.
Speaking of things that will piss off Quizzer, villainy's going good. I'm building something from scratch this time. Should be a good time. For people that aren't him, anyway.
Gonna watch a movie with Hex in the living room. She's promised me it's not a vampire movie. We'll see. I've promised a pony to Deirdre if she can keep quiet during the whole movie, but seeing as she probably didn't understand me, it's probably a lost cause.
Oh, there'll probably be some changes around here in the next few days. Don't be surprised when they happen.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Stuff
Okay, I might be on to something for some new villainy, but it's too soon to tell.
Deirdre Update: She said her first word. Well, words. They were "Death Ray". I'm so proud.
So, anyway, as you may have guessed, I'm dating Hex now. Judy tried to get back with me, or use me for an evil scheme, or whatever, but I turned her down. Hex is so much nicer and less likely to betray me than Judy...excuse me, Scarab was.
It's kind of funny, Hex is a huge fan of Twilight. You'd think I'd stop making fun of it now that we're dating but, no dice. To be fair, she seems to like it for the exact opposite reason most people seem to: rather than view it as a beautiful love story, she sees it as a twisted story of corruption and moral decay. She backs this up by saying that the vampire guy saying he's a virgin has to be a line to get the love interest into bed, among other things. I don't remember any of their names and I don't care enough to look them up.
The Foundress has been attacking a lot lately. I still have no idea what her modus operandi is: is she a villain for some reason, or is she like me and basically doing this because she can? I'd ask her, but wasps are too freaky.
Hopefully she's not like Mechanor, i.e., doing this because it read about everything Mehcanor did in the future before coming back in time to do it over again. At least, that's what Mechanor claims its reasons are. Most of the time.
Hex is thinking about being villainous around here, mostly because she's tired of being a second-string villain to the Scarlet Sorceress. I mean, she's a strong witch and all, but the other villains Double S deals with are people like Rakshasa and my sister and Dina Might.
It helps, our relationship, that is, that we also both have a grudge against Rakshasa, as does the rest of P.A.I.N., for various reasons.
Okay, back to seeing if I can get Deirdre to say the word 'duranium'.
Deirdre Update: She said her first word. Well, words. They were "Death Ray". I'm so proud.
So, anyway, as you may have guessed, I'm dating Hex now. Judy tried to get back with me, or use me for an evil scheme, or whatever, but I turned her down. Hex is so much nicer and less likely to betray me than Judy...excuse me, Scarab was.
It's kind of funny, Hex is a huge fan of Twilight. You'd think I'd stop making fun of it now that we're dating but, no dice. To be fair, she seems to like it for the exact opposite reason most people seem to: rather than view it as a beautiful love story, she sees it as a twisted story of corruption and moral decay. She backs this up by saying that the vampire guy saying he's a virgin has to be a line to get the love interest into bed, among other things. I don't remember any of their names and I don't care enough to look them up.
The Foundress has been attacking a lot lately. I still have no idea what her modus operandi is: is she a villain for some reason, or is she like me and basically doing this because she can? I'd ask her, but wasps are too freaky.
Hopefully she's not like Mechanor, i.e., doing this because it read about everything Mehcanor did in the future before coming back in time to do it over again. At least, that's what Mechanor claims its reasons are. Most of the time.
Hex is thinking about being villainous around here, mostly because she's tired of being a second-string villain to the Scarlet Sorceress. I mean, she's a strong witch and all, but the other villains Double S deals with are people like Rakshasa and my sister and Dina Might.
It helps, our relationship, that is, that we also both have a grudge against Rakshasa, as does the rest of P.A.I.N., for various reasons.
Okay, back to seeing if I can get Deirdre to say the word 'duranium'.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Woooo, New Year!
It's a brand new decade, and I'm starting over: new Girlfriend, Less Angst, More Villainy, New Password to My Blog, and some leftover kugel that Mechanor made. It's pretty damn good.
It is 2010 and Deirdre continues to be adorable. You thought I'd talk about the angst from the holidays, didn't you? Nope! Adorable semi-devine babies.
I think she's going to start talking soon. She took a few steps over the holidays. It was precious. I'd also like to thank Mechanor and Jack and Jack's civillian boyfriend for preventing my crazy sister from killing my daughter over the course of December. That was nice of you.
While I'm thanking people, I'd like to "thank" Lock and Load for updating my blog while I was wallowing. Which is why my blog has a new password. Not that that'll stop Kushiel from hacking it. Sigh.
Okay, that sound means that Deirdre is upset I'm not using this time to feed and/or change her, so I'm off for now.
It is 2010 and Deirdre continues to be adorable. You thought I'd talk about the angst from the holidays, didn't you? Nope! Adorable semi-devine babies.
I think she's going to start talking soon. She took a few steps over the holidays. It was precious. I'd also like to thank Mechanor and Jack and Jack's civillian boyfriend for preventing my crazy sister from killing my daughter over the course of December. That was nice of you.
While I'm thanking people, I'd like to "thank" Lock and Load for updating my blog while I was wallowing. Which is why my blog has a new password. Not that that'll stop Kushiel from hacking it. Sigh.
Okay, that sound means that Deirdre is upset I'm not using this time to feed and/or change her, so I'm off for now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)