Young Whippersnappers

The Candleflames are burning down downtown again. Guess Quizzer's raid's about to be interrupted.

Ah to be young, with nothing but a plasma rifle and a dream to burn the city to ashes. I remember when I was that naive. I grew up, though, and came to realize that just a plasma rifle's not enough.

Some days, I think about recruiting the Candleflames as henchmen but, really, I don't want to deal with teenagers more than I have to. It's going to be bad enough in twelve-thirteen years when I have a partly divine one throwing things and shouting about how I don't know what pain is.

Yeah. Really looking forward to that.

Anyway, I think I need a brand new plan to hold the city for ransom. No flying fortresses, no animal mecha, no tanks, no weather control...it's going to be a blast.

And, on monday, you get to see if it worked.

Thursday is the New Wednesday

Okay okay okay, I'm a bit late. But hey, it's probably still wednesday somewhere. This would be a lot easier if I lived on Venus.

Anyway, not much going on Siluriformes attacked the city again, Quizzer held them off, Sinapse tried to make a deal with them and help them, blah blah blah good guy won, loser and fish-losers lost.

I got a phone call from Captain Visigoth. Sounded like he was in a Mexican bar. Never once asked about "his" kid. Good. She's my daughter now.

I guess this is what Mechanor was talking about last year. Deirdre becoming my daughter. I hope it wasn't talking about what Judy said.

You know, back in December when I was emo and Lock and Load took over the blog. Judy wanted to talk to me about something? Well...she wanted me back. She also said she was pregnant, which I called BS on. I mean, we hadn't slept together since before she was put into the coma. Unless she had the gestation period of an elephant, it couldn't have been mine, and, plus, she didn't look pregnant.

I mean, she would have had to have taken a sample while I was sleeping or cloned a kid by mixing my DNA with hers, but she would...

...oh wait, she's a super villain.

Fuck.

On Recent Schemes

None of them seem to be working out too well. Maybe I should make some robot clones.

Maybe I need a vacation. Get some time to really get in touch with the inner badguy in me.

Oh well. Gonna grab the tank and the lava gun and cause some havoc. That might get my spirits back up.

Things I Hate, Volume Whatever

First things first--I need to write this more and you, my adoring fans, need me to write this more. So starting, um, today, I guess, I'm going to try to update at least three times a week--at least once on Monday, once Wednesday, and once on Friday. Hopefully, I'll post more often than this.

I bet this lasts one whole week before I get distracted by something shiny.

Anyway, things I hate, in no particular order.

One, while I love Hex a lot, I hate that now I know so much more about Twilight than I ever wanted to know. God damnit Hex.

Two, I love Deirdre so much I've nearly forgiven Dina and Visigoth for abandoning her for me to raise. However, I hate how she just seems to know whenever I'm busy, or just sitting down to sleep, or about to have sex with my girlfriend, and decides right then that she's going to scream and wail about something. And she's part demigod and part frost giant, so she's got...volume.

Three, I hate it when my brother comes by asking for money, like he did last week. Come on, CJ. You have a steady job as a super-soldier for hire with no morals, you don't need my money. I have death machines to make. If only he was addicted to the cheap drugs and not super soldier serum.

Four, I hate "Lord" Grim.

Five, I really hate "Lord" Grim because apparently Op Mayhem is actually considering him for membership. I hope it's just a smokescreen for Viridian Fang to eat the racist homophobe. Not that I want in Op Mayhem anyway, but it's the principle of the matter.

Six, I hate Sinapse. Because he's so smug. He still calls himself Quizzer's arch nemesis! Can you believe it? yeah, sure, he may have been his nemesis when they were both in college, but it's the big leagues now, and he just doesn't measure up. I just wish he'd stop trying to muscle me out of my rightful place.

Seven, I hate henchmen. I thought I'd try them out because I had some extra space and a couple extra guys working for me could seriously improve my success ratio. Nope. They bumble even more than I used to! And the worst part is, I can't fire them. Stupid unionized henchmen. Seriously, I fire these guys, then they show up outside my base tomorrow with a handful of doomsday weapons and demand severance pay. I might have to kill them. But I really don't want to do that--they are performing a service, even if they are terrible at it. Maybe I should try to get Eliza to come over for a few days, thin their numbers a bit.

I mean, the big shots don't have this problem. Lady Anaconda's henchmen are all in families of servants that have been the loyal retainers of her family for generations. Tallow just makes minions out of that wax she's made out of. Viridian Fang commands predatory animals and stuff--predatory animals don't tend to unionize. Except for Manwolf. And Death's Head just uses his psychic powers to mental dominate whoever he wants to work for him. Devias used to own a country, so he got his henchmen there. The old Doc managed to have a small group of (now dead), dedicated henchmen. Maybe I need to make some robot henchmen. Use tech I "borrowed" from Lock, Load, and Mechanor.

Eight, I hate when Quizzer's girlfriend comes to town. How did a nerd--albeit an unusually fit, handsome nerd-- like him get to marry Miss Atom, the all-american heroine? He's bad enough--she's on a pretty high power level herself.

Oh well. At least he's not dating the Scarlet Sorceress, or Union Jack.