THIS IS WHY YOU STAY SINGLE PEOPLE

Oh my god.

I am so angry right now.

I loved this plan. It was going so well. The heroes couldn't do jack without blood on their hands. All Judy had to do was say she wanted in on it and I would've shared.

Instead, she kicks me out! Dina too! She kicked her pregnant friend out. Lousy June Bug--Excuse me, Scarab.

Yes, that's Judy under the bulky spiky black armor. Apparently, what she 'brought back' wasn't a demon or an interdimensional parasite or anything like that. It was knowledge. And a major attitude problem. Locking me out of my own base. Commandeering my TrEyeumvirate. Beating the tar out of my nemesis.

You know what? She doesn't wanna be a team player? She wants to take everything from the guy who sat beside her bed for months wating for her to wake up? Well, two can play at this game. Yeah, she has my tech, my gear, better equipment, and a much higher IQ than me. Yeah, that angry Scarab armor can kick my ass even armored up. But I have one thing she doesn't.

Backup.

Time to give P.A.I.N. a trial by fire.

The Story Thus Far

Judy and I had an argument right before the inauguration. She didn't see what I was so worried about, if there was a truce with Rakshasa.

So she stormed off and I went to follow her. I saw the inauguration like people see important things in movies--from tvs in a store window.

Then there was a big rumbling and I realized that there might've been an alterior motive for Brannigan building this island where it did. Say, maybe there was a transdimensional rift right here. Maybe a few hundred feet in the air. Something like that would be an excellent power source.

Unfortunately, when it opens to Hell, that means when Rakshasa opens up all the portals to Hell, that a monster born from nightmare a couple hundred feet tall and about that wide crashes through it. The Brannigan Building exploded, which caused a lot of damage, but the massive wall of pustulant flesh that oozed from its wreckage that was the real problem.

I caught up with Judy right then, and before either of us could say anything, an eye the size of a mini-mart opened in the center of the oozing thing's mass, centered on us, and fired an eye beam.

I pushed Judy out of the way and took the whole thing myself. It really, really hurt, and knocked me through a bank, which right now I realize is so ironic it hurts, but it was fortunately just a force beam and not a demon laser or hellfire or anything. I think Judy called out my name, but I didn't quite catch it, because before I could completely collect myself, she teleported her armor to her and shot towards the thing.

And a pseudopod of flesh formed and batted her away like she was actually a June Bug. She landed with a heavy thump-crash that knocked her through several layers of pavement. By this time, I could see Quizzer throwing the wreckage of the Brannigan Building at the demon with his mind.

Now, I was pissed, so I turned my right bracer all the way up, into a focused blast. The focused blast is that thing that the old Doc used on American Steel to actually hurt him, it's essentially taking the full power of an earthquake compressed into one small point.

So I turned it up as far as I could, pointed it at the demon, and fired, and right at that moment, right at that very moment, June Bug shot up in between me and the demon, right in the path of the blast. I didn't know, I didn't have time.

It hit her and she had her gravity distortion up as high as it could go so when it hit her she flew forward like a bullet and smashed straight through its body, from eye out the back and it deflated or something and melted but I wasn't paying attention I was just running and trying to find her.

Okay. Took a couple minutes to calm down.

We found Judy in lake Michigan. Her armor was a bit warped. The doctors say we got her out just in time. They're confident she'll wake up. Probably.

I should be there with her instead of here.

Ugh, but, there's one more part to this.

At her bedside, I said, "Rakshasa!" And he showed up. Or, at least an image of him.

"Oh dear. A bit of a mess, isn't it?" He said, looking out the window at New Vineyard.

"We had a deal. I don't try to stop you, my friends and family go unharmed." I snarled at him, in my rage, nbot quite registering that I was snarling at Rakshasa.

"Well, yes, and that deal still applies. I have done nothing to harm you and yours." He replied. "Do you suppose all those buildings were insured?"

"That demon chose me as the first target."

"Oh, you wanted to make deals with all the demons in Hell as well?" He said, finally turning to me. "Because that is a horse of a different color. I agreed I would not harm them when the world was bathed in hellfire, but I can't speak for every single demon out there. I am President now, therefore I cannot hold another political office, so, while the invasion is in progress, I am no longer King of Demons. Once I have destroyed this world, all of your friends and family will be safe but, until then, I hold no sway over them, officially."

I would have wanted to punch that smile off his face if it wasn't so damn creepy.

"Ah, there's that look of horrible realization. Rake had it, Shasta had it, that Greek soldier I first possessed had it...essentially, everyone I have ever made a deal with, really." Rakshasa grinned even wider. "Oh, if only I had a camera every time I saw someone's face like that. And yes, I may have let slip that your friends and family will be unable to be killed after this point, when I regain my throne, so they may be out for you and yours specifically, but, well, you know how gossip spreads. Oh, no, I was mistaken. THAT is the expression I want to have photographed every time. Well, I have important world-destruction to do and I am sure you will be busy trying to defend your loved ones from this new horrid revelation." An eye opened on his shoulder which glanced down at Judy. "I do hope you are every bit as successful with that as you have been today."

Then he disappeared and Dina knocked me out when I was arguing that I should stay.

And now I'm at a collection of third and second-rate superheroes and villains, wondering where the first stringers are and trying not to kill each other in the process.

I'm sure this will all end up great.

It's Begun

It's been about two hours since Rakshasa put his plan into motion.

Demons are rampaging across the country. Heroes and villains alike have answered the call to stopping them.

And there's already been a casualty.

The doctors are swamped, but they told me she'll probably wake up some day. They don't know exactly when, but they're sure she'll wake up.

It's all my fault. It's my fault. She flew in front of me and I didn't have time to stop my bracer. I didn't.

The wave just hit her and the demon. If only I could have acted faster. I should have been able to act faster.

Quizzer's telling me a bunch of heroes and villains and stuff are meeting somewhere out east to figure out how we're going to deal with this and we should probably get moving fast. But I don't want to leave her here. Not undefended. I mean, Dina's offering to stay behind and watch her but I'm the one who put her in a coma it's my responsibilit

Hey, this is Quizzer. Dina just knocked Doc C out. He'll write again when he wakes up and we're on our way.

Of Course.

This is just my life.

This is how my life goes.

I spend all new years eve fighting with my nemesis against a crazy man made of nuclear fire rather than drinking and hanging out with my friends because I'm too much of a softy to let Nuke rampage around town when I know he's looking for me.

Then I come home at five in the morning and find the place trashed, Captain Visigoth gone, and Dina sobbing heavily while Judy comforts her. I tried to ask what was wrong, and Dina punched me.

Apparently, my old friend Captain Visigoth knocked her up. She told him this after the ball dropped and he took it poorly. As in, he ran as fast as he could away from her.

And Judy and Dina are such good friends so of course Judy would come to me and tell me--not ask me--that Dina's going to be staying with us until she gets back on her feet. Because "this is a hard time and I know you'll be understanding about this Silas. Won't you?"

God I'm whipped.

Damnit Judy

I really need to change my password.

Anyway, yeah, her post was, thought mortifying, accurate. You guys seriously don't know how fun this thing is.

Though I haven't really gotten around to threatening the city yet. Mostly, I've just made, um, a bunch of earthquakes all throughout the midwest. That's villainy. People in the midwest freak the hell out whenever there's an earthquake. It's hilarious.

Okay yes I could be using this to my advantage and maybe I've been underground a bit too long. But, besides Judy, why should I ever leave? I have wifi down here and enough food and water to last months. Up there it's just demons threatening me and increasingly horrible villainy.

Yes, I'm having a nervous breakdown. But to hell with it, the break's been really nice.

More later. Maybe. If I feel like it.

Judy Again

Hey guys, this is June Bug, once again teaching Silas a lesson for giving me his account name and password.

Why hasn't he updated in like two and a half weeks? He'd say he's been busy. The truth is, he's been burrowing in that oversized drill and having a great time this whole time. Apparently it's really, really fun.

He still won't let me play with it, though. Which is making me hardcore pouty in his general direction.

So, since Doctor Cataclysm isn't willing to talk on his blog, it's time once again for Embarrassing Facts About Silas.

Embarrassing Fact One: Silas still has his childhood teddy bear. He keeps it in his closet and sometimes brings it out and talks to it when he thinks I'm not around. It's so adorable. The bear's name is Lieutenant Sniffles.

Embarrassing Fact Two: Silas talks in his sleep. Mostly nonsense. Once he said, "Look out for the tuna factory."

That's all for now. Hopefully Silas will stop playing around with his drill and come up for air sometime soon,

Heh. Boys.

...Just Now Read What Judy Wrote

God Damnit Judy.

From the Desk of June Bug

Hihi everyone, this is Judy, Silas's girlfriend. I'm covering for him while he figures out a way to get wifi in the mole machine. He does alright above ground, but we haven't been able to beam the tubes through the earth just yet.

Okay. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, it's time to say embarrassing things about Silas.

Don't give me that look. He's so adorable when he's flustered. Picture a nearly seven foot tall redhead built like a brick wall with glowing red eyes blushing and stammering, "God Damnit, Judy."

Okay, so, Silas is so sweet. You wouldn't think it at first, but he's just so awkward and loveable, like a really big dog. And he's such a complete romantic, in an insecure way. Like Don Juan with crippling self esteem issues.

I'm totally in love. You know it's for real when he lets you roll around in his pile of money.

Okay, that's probably enough to make him sufficiently flustered for maximum blush. It really doesn't take much.

Nothing New

I haven't been up to much lately. Mostly lazing around the base with Judy playing Hypno Bubble and editing CapeWiki. The Siluriformes attacked again. This time, Judy helped Quizzer repell them, not so much as to have the city, but more to get revenge for beiong kidnapped that first time they attacked.

Nothing much to report about Rake or Shasta. I don't know where I might find any security tape depicting either of them, and that's pretty much the only way short of eye-witness I'll be able to tell what happened then. Hm, that's a thought. Maybe I should check out some archives. Hopefully they've been uploaded to computer by now.

Wedding Preparation

Just got back from the rehearsal dinner. "La Bien Vida" is, technically, still standing. But only technically.

On Thursday afternoon, I got a knock on the surface elevator door. When I answered, there was a scrawny young woman with dirty blonde hair, torn blue jeans and a tank top. Her greeting was to punch me in the chest. To give you some idea how strong Dina Might is, I had to patch an exterior wall in my lair. And I still have a bruise.

She didn't mean any malice by this. In fact, after she dragged in a suitcase and watched me weld a plate into the wall, she commented on my ability to take a hit. I asked her not to punch my girlfriend, and she clapped me on the shoulder and laughed loudly.

Anyway, CV showed up a little while after with an armful of suitcases and bags. Most of them looked to be Dina's.

I'm gonna point out that Dina Might is significantly stronger than CV. See anything wrong with this picture?

I was also confused by why they were here rather than a hotel. Or, more accurately, I was suspicious as to why they were here rather than a motel. My suspicions were answered when CV said, "Thanks for letting us stay here over the weekend Big C."

I wanted to say, "Oh Hell No." But frankly, I was worried I wouldn't have a base left if Dina found out Visigoth hadn't cleared it with me and there was a domestic squabble.

After their stuff was settled, I introduced them to Judy. It went about as well as expected.

CV: Daaaamn Big C, she's got a nice....
Dina: *punches CV in the kindeys.*
CV: *doubles over in pain*
Dina: *extends hand* Hi hon, I'm Dina.
Judy: *power armored-knee to CV's face* I'm Judy. Nice arm.

I had my misgivings about CV getting married, but I think Dina might actually be able to keep him in line.

It hasn't all been fun times of seriously injuring Cappy, though. Apparently he couldn't think of anyone to invite to his side so he invited, like, all of my supervillainous ex girlfriends (Fallout, Dionaea, both Lock and Load, and Icicle). And my brother and sister. And Jack Knife and Mechanor, who I don't really have a problem with, but they round out the list.

Of course, I punched him for inviting my exes. And then I told Judy. And then she punched him, with her June Bug armor on.

Judy's excited about meeting my family. They probably won't show, though. I've gotten confirmation Eliza's alive, but she's locked up in St. Toluca's. And C. J. 's probably in some backwater third world country, either getting stoned out of his gourd or razing it to the ground. Or both. If he isn't dead.

The wedding's tomorrow. I'm pretty sure it's not going to go well. But at least I'll probably get to see CV get beaten to a pulp some more. That ought to be fun.

Loose Ends

Before I go into detail about the calamities of the past couple weeks, I kinda wanna talk about how the whole June Bug thing turned out.

A couple days after JB held the head of Brannigan above the city, one of the whackjobs on the radio came out with his typical inflammatory bullshit about the event. He started talking about how it must have been June Bug's "time of the month" and how "as a [woman], [June Bug] is incapable of any of the thing's she's threatened to do." And other completely stupid things. Look at Dina Might. Hands down the most destructive, callous, juvenile, and cruel villain of modern supervillainy. ...oh god, she's going to be in my city in a month. Why the hell did I agree to that?

Oh, right, alcohol.

In response, June Bug leveled his recording studio by hitting it with the force of a Judy-sized, but several hundred times denser, meteorite.

Of course, Quizzer showed up and saved the people trapped in the rubble. They never found the body of that shithead. Any time I bring it up Judy laughs maniacally and changes the subject.

She makes me so proud.

However, at this point, the police, army, and an angered Brannigan had put two and two together and realized only one person had the motive and ability to do these things.

Unfortunately for them, Judy Baracs, as I have mentioned before, is a genius, and figured that, sooner or later, they'd catch her. So, when Brannigan security, the National Guard's Anti-Villain Task Force, and a full SWAT team closed in on her, they didn't find a meek college student. They found June Bug with a tidal bomb.

The video of these three law enforcement organizations falling over and puking from the bomb's effects is on YouTube if you wanna check it out, by the way.

Once again, Quizzer showed up and, this time, there was a scuffle. And I am both embarrassed and proud to say that the Blue Q got his keister kicked in a way I was never quite able to. I was also able to get my first clear look at her armor--some sort of black mesh under a bronze-colored composite on her chest, hips, legs, and arms. On her back is a big ovoid dome, which has most of her gravitational compressor array in it. Her helmet is also bronze-ish, and has a pair of "mandibles" and "antennae", along with a pair of green lenses over the eyes.

After she pounded Quizzer enough to make her escape, June Bug came here. I have no idea how she knew about my underwater lair, but she knocked on the airlock and I let her in and, surprise surprise, it was Judy under that armor.

So, to summarize, she and I are living together now--which is fine. I mean, my base used to house a couple dozen workers in relative comfort. Half of the rooms I don't even use anyway. I'm, at her request, giving her some tips on supervillainy, though I doubt there's anything I can teach her, since she's already doing a better job than I have in the past.

So far so good with living with her. It's been a few weeks and I don't want to kill her yet. Of course, it helps we have plenty of room to wander off if we get sick of each other.

Gotta go get pizza with Judy, I'll write about the flood of Aught Eight next time.

June Bug--Update

So, Judy won't admit to being June Bug. Even though whenever I bring her up, she gets a telltale self-satisfied smirk on her face and says an off-handed comment about putting people in their place. Which, obviously, just makes me suspect her even more.

However, wow, she's been...enthusiastic...all day. Supervillainy seems to have gotten her in a reaaaally good mood, if you catch my drift. Still, I wonder why she hasn't admitted to being June Bug. I mean, it's pretty obvious to me. And it's probably pretty obvious to Brannigan as well. Maybe I'll bring that up with her later. For now, we're gonna watch Terminator and eat some kettle popcorn.

New (?) Villain in Town

Right at this moment, a girl in beetle-esque power armor is holding the head of Brannigan's New Vineyard branch by his neck several thousand feet above the city. Because of her bronze armor and the fact she seems to have some sort of gravity-manipulator that enables her to smash into objects with substantially more mass than she actually has, and the month, the press has labeled her "June Bug". She has yet to make any demands, but apparently smashed through the upper levels of Brannigan Towers and grabbed him after saying something about "Needing to talk to him about some of his gender policies."

...is it just me, or does this all sound familiar? Gravity manipulation, a score to settle with Brannigan...

God, I hope Judy knows what she's doing. If it is Judy.